Initiation Into Yoga

74 initiation. When Swami Shyam came at last to Montreal I spent at much time with him as possible. We would gather in the meditation room at the Lincoln Street house. One day in the middle of a speech he said, seemingly off the cuff, "We should have twelve leaders among the disciples who will do the job of bringing self-realisation to the world." I immediately shrank to the floor. "Oh no!", I thought, "let's not have any more of that. I just got here." He looked around and chooses a few people and the count was kept. He finally asked a few people if they wanted to the job. After that, he then made a speech the subject of which was unrelated. The end of the satsang had come and there was nothing mentioned about it again. Just testing our resolve I presumed.

Shyam was offering initiation and I asked him to initiate me. I paid forty dollars. That was cheaper than Maharishi.

I went into a small room in the upper story which had been provided at the ashram for his visit, and he had just finished a nap. He sat up on the bed and greeted me. He asked a few questions about what I had been doing, and we had great rapport. Then he said, "well you need to be a little closer." this was a very dramatic moment for me. I felt a little diffident and considerable doubt but the inner part of me was totally fascinated. I got over close to him and he said I will just give you this mantra and you try to repeat it inside. His lips were scarcely an inch from my ear as he intoned two short Sanskrit words in almost a whisper. I repeat them, and beginning to concentrate lost some of my shyness. After this he repeated two more and I again memorised them and repeated them inside again according to the usual technique. Then he said, "That's great. Here is a Maalaa and when you feel like it you can just move the beads into between the fingers like so," he showed me how "and it will help you to concentrate." he gave me a rose and then said, "try to find some quite corner of the house and meditate for a while."

I then got up and went down to the meditation room, found a cushion and sat down. The Maalaa was sandalwood and smelled fresh and very fragrant. I held the rose in my hand and proceeded to meditate as he had instructed me. In only a few minutes I was experiencing what I had never experienced before. It was exhilaration or joy, an ecstatic mood. I saw parts of my self that I had never seen before and I felt that I was transported. An hour passed and there began to be traffic in the room as more people arrived for the evening satsang. Someone came up to me and asked how I was. I said I would like to continue to meditate if there was somewhere quiet. We went to another room on the second story and I sat down again, sinking back into the same feeling that I had downstairs. It went on like this for two hours. It was an experience of consciousness such that I had not thought of. It was natural yet there was a great joy in me. There is a tradition called 'ear whispered' doctrine of Alexandra David Neal description as she experienced in Tibet. It means that mantras are generally given in such closeness as to whisper in the ears. I felt liberated and I felt very secure.

What he had breathed into me was a confidence and centeredness that I had never experience. To be sure there seemed to be visions and lights and new perceptions but what was most remarkable was the depth of the feeling of goodness, rightness fitness, wellness and happiness that were mixed all togetherness. Then I knew that to be holy didn't mean punishing oneself with authorities just to satisfy some abstract and judgmental deity. It meant to feel super positive about the world, oneself and all your relationships and it is far from being abstract but something most concrete. Before I was initiated I had grudged forty dollars for it. He had something that no money could buy and but he was not just giving it away. That would come later. It was a joy to give this and share it. I was really on the way of the journey of awakening.

I was a bit hurt, somewhere when I had gone into his tiny room and there were five or six people there and I was just coming from 3 or 4 hours of meditation, which he had inspired. I was in such a nice space and was thinking about how whatever had happened was greater than any drug high. He asked me what I thought. I was just going to say that, "It was as if I had some acid and . . .." He stopped me before I spoke and asked me if I wouldn't be more comfortable at the back. I realised that he did not like this thought and was trying to divert my attention from saying any thing that would suggest that it was a drug trip. Maybe it wasn't, but I suddenly felt bad.

The mantra he taught was the madhuraashtakam. He had given me the first two lines, "adharam madhuram vadanam madhuram." At first we were given to understand that we should keep the mantra secret. However when I was in India later, Suresh, his eldest son, had shown me a book called Stotram Ratnavallee, which was a collection of "hymns" or mantras or songs and which contained the entire mantra of the madhuraashtakam. Since the mantra was public knowledge there seemed no real reason to keep it secret, but that it was a sort of thing among Indians to keep their work on themselves secret. I was told that the word adharam (spelled adhuram at the ashram) meant the upper lip or the space, and the word vadanam meant the countenance, that madhuram meant blissfull.

Over the years I learned more about where the Swami came from. He worked in Chandigarh's government and lives in sector 7C means that he is about CS-4 or lower upper Gov. employee. Chandigarh, though, was not even built before 1955 and probably 7C weren't there before 1960 giving him at most 10-12 years there.

Now SCS arrived in Can app. 48 years old and therefore, between ages of 18 his marriage and say 38-40 years old or 20 years later we don't know very much at all. Suresh, his son, once showed me a photograph of his father's place of business in Gwalior (I thought). It looked like Akarda bazaar in Kullu, just a narrow road full of shops. Hariji, his wife, is supposed to be from Gwalior. It is quite a scene there and you can read all abut it if you look it up on the net. That gives him say 10 years in Gwalior because Suresh remembers it as a boy.

Intruder alert: One time in 1974 when the only two real ashrams were at Hampton and Lincoln, SCS had been sitting in satsang with a few of us (10-15) were sitting at Lincoln St. Ashram. We were listening to Swami Shyam discourse upon the Ramayana which was his favorite book. Some time later a man came in the door and walked into the back of the satsang room. Shyam looked up and I turned and looked myself. He was a man from India, good build, about 6 foot and wearing "street clothes" (beige). By street clothes I mean not the loose clothes, hippie garbs (without leather) and/or yoga pants that the group was wearing. He would be 35-45 range perhaps. He seems quite boldly joining a satsang of only Westerners aside from SCS himself and was not particularly worried about his intrusion. He was tall about six feet about 180 pounds Bhaarati male (of Indian origin). Shyam gestured for him to sit down and namaskared. There was some intense energies going on. I looked at him a while more as he sat and nodded to him. He appeared to be a very heavy space. I had not seen him around and yet I was very familiar with the group. I wondered. He sat at the back by himself. After a while SCS said "Let's meditate". this man was there in the back and very quiet. After the meditation of some 15 minutes or less, SCS asks the Indian "How are you" and they have a short exchange in Hindi. Finally the man asks, "When will Swamiji be going back to Chandigarh." That was still early in the formation of his group, and he had kept his home in Chandigarh (7C) even though they already had homes built in Kullu valley. "In a couple of weeks," SCS replied and he stared at him. The satsang continued.

Shortly after the man got up and walked out.with his hands folded.(Anjali) He looked angry generally speaking, though he was not impolite. But he was pleased with Shyam's response. Some people concluded that he was the Indian police and some people didn't care. As far as I know he name was never spoken and he was never seen again. I never got to ask who it was but it stuck in my head. I forgot about it.

You see. Even though we spent so much time with him there was things going on in the background related to India. We thought it was the TM movement sending people, we thought it was just coincidental, or what ever. When SCS spoke in Hindi none of the Western students had a clue what he was saying. Basically overall if someone learns to speak and understand Hindi they slowly are phased out except his most insider devotees.

I remember this trip with the woman now and wonder why I never questioned it. Once in 1974 I had come into the house after I had been initiated and he had been in the bath so I had to wait. Suddenly I heard a female voice and I realised that Prem's wife Veena was in the bathroom with while he was in the bath, naked? I had seem images of people in India bathing in the Ganges. Somehow the woman managed to keep their clothes on and if they needed to wash their private parts they would do it without removing the underwear. So again I didn't ask about it.

Someone said that she is just helping him with towels. Another time when he had come down stairs to the kitchen and he had entered where I was standing. This is the maybe third time that I had been near the man, and he enters the room with his arm draped over the shoulders of Mary, and he looked at me, doubted my quizzical look about his propriety. He looked like and sounded like he was at a cocktail party. He had disdain for my somewhat astonished, look. He then sauntered, yes sauntered by, ignoring me.

He stayed for a week.

After Swami Shyam left I continued to go to the ashram and had a job as a programmer in Montreal. I was learning about health food, Hatha yoga and the 'philosophy' as it was called (rather than religion). Vaani (Kathy Riendeau, a woman at the ashram) told me that Swami had a proper education in Hatha yoga but had chosen to teach the inner three of raja yoga, that is dharana (focus), dhyana (meditation), and samadhi (transport or extreme concentration). Achievement of Samaadhi is the central point of, and central transformer on, the path of yoga. As far as Shyam was concerned one could learn the rest from other sources. She mentions that he had done the Kechari mudra and that in fact he had cut under his tongue to allow it to be folded back into the palate.

Gheranda Samhita (collection) spoken to chand by gheranda otherwise unknown. This yoga is body centered, called ghata yoga rather than hatha yoga and is without interest in yam and niyam the restraints and observances of ashtanga yoga. In these texts raja yoga does not refer to patanjali's ashtaanga but to samadhi. It is associated with the Kapilika (skull bearing) following of Shiva notorious for their antonomial behaviour. The Kapilika were masters of Hatha Yoga. Altogether these yogas are associated with tantra. They are tantric texts. Early Hatha yoga showed no trace of advaita.

Chapter 3: Mudras: The yogi should regularly cut the tendon below the tongue and move the tongue about. He should milk it with fresh butter and pull it with iron tongs. 21
By regular practice in this way, the tongue becomes long. When it reaches between the eyebrows, Khechari is perfected. 22
Gently insert the tongue into the base of the palate. When the tongue is turned back into the cavity of the skull and the gaze is directed between the eyebrows, that is Khecharimudra. 23
Loss of consciousness, hunger, thirst, sloth, sickness, decrepitude and death do not arise, and the yogi obtains the body of a god. 24
Fire does nto burn the body, the winds do not dry it out, water does not wet it, and a snake cannot bite it. 25
The body becomes beautiful and samadhi is sure to arise. When it comes into contact with the aperture of the skull, the tongue reaches a liquid. 26
Each day a blissfull sensation arises from the various flavors. At first the fluid on the tongue is salty and brackish, the bitter and sharp, then like fresh butter, ghee, milk, curd, buttermilk, honey, grape juice, and necter. 28

Shiva Samhita (collection)
Chapter 4 Mudras
Were he to kill a thousand Brahmins and destroy the three worlds, by applying the yoni mudra he would not be tainted by sin. 14
By applying the Yonimudra and man who kills his guru, drinks alcohol, steals, or sleeps with his guru' wife, is not bound by these sins. 15

Yonimudra is to be well guarded and not given to all and sundry. It is absolutely not to be given out, even by those at their last gasp. 19

The ability to make all the nadis flow, the steadying of the bindu, the incineration of impurities, the destruction of the sins, the heating of Kundalini, the insertion of the winds into the aperture of Brahman, the curing of all diseases, the increase of the digestive fire, perfect physical beauty, the destruction of old age and death, the achievement of desired goals, happiness, and the conquest of the senses: through practice, all these arise for the yogi on the path of Yoga. This is not to be doubted. 32-34

The wise yogi should sit in vajraasana and, free from any disturbances, firmly fix his gaze between the eyebrows.51
The clever yogi should turn back his tongue and carefully insert it into the well of necter in the hollow above the uvula.52
I have taught this Khechari mudra out of affection for my devotees. It brings perfections and is more dear to me than life.53
Through regular practice the yogi drinks nectar every day, as a result of which perfection of the body arises, a lion against the elephant of death. 54
What ever condition a man may be in, pure or impure, if he knows Kechari he is sure to be purified. 55

The wise yogi who knows the Khecharimudra from the instruction of his guru, reaches the ultimate destination while delighting in a multitude of sins. 58 It is not given even to him who is as dear as one's own life. This mudra which is worshipped by the gods is to be guarded with great care. 59

hatha yoga pradipika
Swatamarama 15 CE "one who delights in one's atman"
chapter one. asanas
The science of hatha should be kept secret by the yogi desirous of success. It is potent when concealed and impotent when revealed. 11
The hatha yogi should live in a secluded hut free of stones, fire and dampness to a distance of four cubits, in a country that is properly governed, virtuous, prosperous and peaceful.12
These are the marks of a yoga hut as described by masters practicing hatha: a small door, no windows, no rat holes; not too high, too low, or too long; well pastered with cow dung, clean and insect free. The grounds are enclosed by a wall and beautified by an arbor, a raised platform and a well.13
Living in this hut, free of all anxieties, one should earnestly practice yoga as taught by one's guru. 14
Yoga perishes by these six: overeating, overexertion, talking too much, performing needless auterities, socializing, and restlessness. 15
Yoga succeeds with these six: enthusiasm, openness, courage, knowledge of the truth, determination, and solitude. 16

In recent times teachers of Hatha Yoga like Swami Satchitananda have said that the word Hatha refers to Ha - the sun or sky space and Tha - the moon, and that the combination is yoga of sun and moon. However the word HaTha is translated very differently as— m. violence , force (" by force , forcibly "'), obstinacy , pertinacity ("obstinately , persistently "'), absolute or inevitable necessity (as the cause of all existence and activity, (" necessarily , inevitably , by all means "') {haTha-yoga}, rapine going in the rear of an enemy. HaTha Yoga —m. a kind of forced Yoga or abstract meditation (forcing the mind to withdraw from external objects ; treated of in the Hatha-pradipika by Svatmarama and performed with much self-torture, such as standing on one leg , holding up the arms , inhaling smoke with the head inverted &c.). The three texts together form a ideal of will power overcoming the limitations of other kinds of Yoga by forcing the kundalini to arise and siddhi to emerge.

The claim that the escape from the 'bounding' of sin is bogus. For even if one were to get so stoned with these yogas that one is incapable of being greived by the damage to others of doing sinful things, the world is still perceived by and exists for others, and consequently the egregious acts still register with others. The whole notion of Gorakhanath and his Kapilika gangsters is anti-Brahmin because their notion of sin is derived from the the Brahmanas and the laws of Manu where is registered the thousands of obligatory actions that the twice-born are required to perform. These include of course the caste rules and the notion of good and bad karma as thought by these same Brahmins which Gorakhnath would plainly like to destroy. However if one were to substitute Christians for Brahmins you could guess that the teachings of these same texts would be crushed in a hurry in the West as they are truly antisocial. Swami Shyam did not teach from these texts and I only found them through his son who had them in a household collection of his father. Plainly Swami had a lot of experience with these though he never refered to them. At some point Shyam had criticized Sai Baba saying that his mantra, "Hreem Kleem" was from the "dark side of the moon." But in fact this same mantra is in the Shiv Samhita. Not only but the temple to Chandi outside of Chandighar where he lived used the navakshari mantra, "Om aim hreem kleem Chamundaye Vichhe", a homam of the Goddess Chandi "which vanquishes and anihilates the two demons Shumbha (or Pride) and Nishumbha (or Shame), slaying the negativities of Indulgence and Denial, restoring the equilibrium necessary for perfection."

Note also the extreme secretive nature of the teachings where it is a life and death matter, "It is absolutely not to be given out, even by those at their last gasp." This is a bit odd as the text does give at least an outline of the 'secret'. Another oddity is the notion that with success in the mudra one could kill even one's own guru and still be free of the sin of it. Personally I would not have included this thought if I were a guru of this type. These teachings are not to be trusted and are very exagerated (aberrated) in promising hugh returns for success. For example one is promised wonderful results from even brushing one's teeth while no mention is made of freedom from tooth decay.

I felt that he had more knowledge of me than anybody I had known, and I still didn't know if I trusted him. I don't suppose that Swami Shyam ever really loved me even though he taught me many things. He was very supportive of my studies and used to praise me extravagantly among his friends but never the less he didn't favour my company particularly. Vaani and Ramdev where there as were Shashi, Mahabeer and occasionally Giridhar, General Radlay-Walters' son. Vaani had come from New York and had married Ramdev who was an artist and hippie. "In order to stay in the country," she said. Her closest friend Shashi had likewise married but was no longer with her husband.

Many people were coming by. Swami Shyam had been with Maharishi, part of his scene, he said. The Swami had been born in South Uttar Pradesh Province India, in Konch, Jaalaun taluk (county). He was one of a Shrivastava clan, which, he said, is a blend between Brahman (priestly class) and Kshatriya of (Warrior class). Gibbie Wright had told me so and that he had heard it from Shyam. He was part of a family which lived in the area not too far from Gwalior (north Madhya Pradesh) where lived the great Maharaja Madhav Rao Sindia. Further north was the Taj Mahal and from there north and east to New Delhi.

Swami Shyam actually had his realisation in Vancouver according to his one story.

Gets B. Comm from somewhere at about 20 and marries Hariji who came from Gwalior the capital of Madhya Pradesh. He ran a business in Gwalior for some time. Reportedly he learned shorthand method and moves to Shimla in Himachal Pradesh the summer capital of India, to teach at a secretarial college. Teaches a short hand school which he is supposed to own. Moves to Chandigarh in Ludhiana (Punjab) where he joins the Government as Chief (?) recording secretary. Lives in the suburbs (Sector 7-c) and had five kids. Suresh (son - about 60 now)-, Kalpna (daughter, about 55), Rekha - (daughter about 50), Akhilesh (son - about 50), Alka (daughter about 50), There was another child who died. Supposedly he was writing radio plays in Chandigarh. He said he had written comedies based on his arguments with Hariji his wife. He was supposed to have got awards for them. He had owned (Shyam had said this to Jelco Halmar) motorcycle at one point. He was thought to have been in the army also.

Said he owns a motorcycle in Chandigarh an expensive item. He only had a government job. Where did he get the money? First got here after Maharishi was already a success with the hippies. That would be after 1969-70. First stops in Calgary to pull some scam. As for business, he came with a lot of money for an employee of the Indian government in Chandigarh. His conventional explanation said that he had been associated with Maharishi (this does not check out).

Goes to Gabriola or Big White where there is a retreat. Does not have a beard and has a heavy look to him like Prabhu Paad. Black hair and about five foot four with fairly big shoulders. Doesn't know much about Indian tradition and only has a Ramayan with him.

He is supposed to be the better and cheaper than Maharishi and more accessible and personal then his big organisation Guru. Goes to California where there is a story.

He goes to a public meeting
"Aren't you the wise man."
"Yes. You must be the fool."

That is supposed to be a real put down. At this meeting there were some of the big guys of the American tradition like poets Robert Bly and Allen Ginsberg. This would be 1970 or so. Scott and Geoff Stirling, a multimillionaire, set up something in Arizona. He goes there. Back to Vancouver. Here he is advertising tantric-bhakti-karma-gyaan yogas in one batch. That is eclectic. Geoff makes a record with him at a studio. There is a picture on the back and he looks very different from his appearance when I met him. The logo looks like a penis in flames. Nobody notices.

Was lifting weights in Chandigarh to build himself, because before that he was a skinny elephant headed man, which he used to call me, because I was thin, and still am. He projects on his students.

04/03/79 Maharishi days: he and Maharishi were have supposed to have a meditation contest to see who could meditate the longest. Supposedly it had gone on for three days and Shyam had been the winner. He had been high in the Maharishi organisation. Shyam said that a Canadian businessman from Calgary had asked him to come to Canada as part of a break away from the Maharishi movement to teach the real self-realisation. After Shyam arrived in Calgary the businessman then had made a big plan for Shyam to launch a large organisation that would just ask for "too much money," and had wanted to make all kinds of money with Shyam's "enlightenment". So he had taken off. He had to leave because the Calgary businessman was too heavy after that and he left in the middle of winter without his baggage and that he had hitchhiked across the Rockies with only a suitcase and dressed only in a dhoti in the middle of winter. When he got to Vancouver he had gone to Victoria to the Maharishi center and had tried to get them to help him out. They had called Maharishi and he had said that he should not be there. Supposedly Maharishi had then offered Shyam $100,000 to use his name as a Mantra. Shyam supposedly refused such an offer. Maharishi did not want Shyam to stay in Canada after this.

He then went to Vancouver and stayed in the Gastown area, in a cheap hotel on Hastings Street. One day when he had gone to the washroom down the hall and someone had snuck into his room and stolen his wallet and passport. When Shyam came back and discover that his wallet had been stolen he had said that he just gave up and sat on his bed to meditate, at this point his "mind was like a rock and his body like a log," and he had reached enlightenment. (He later had Mary Lieberg write the story up in her name even though he dictated it to her because she needed to be somebody in Shyam Space and this would be her credit—according to Shyam.) He had then begun to teach in Vancouver opening a little studio somewhere near the Main.

Later on: I suspect that every bit of this story is a lie. Shyam is such a common name in India where would Maharishi be paying to use his name. His money wasn't stolen it just ran out. The guy in Calgary didn't rip him off it was Shyam diddling with some woman's mind.

In India his associates have seemed shady - Hareesh Buddharaj of Trips Out Travels, a drinker in India, arranges things for him. Jelco Hallmar - rides motorcycle, does coke and makes films hangs around bars in Delhi but gets treated to the red carpet in Kullu ashram. Same with Peter O'toole who is rich and famous so he is allowed to smoke a cigarette in his ashram mediation room (1980's)

Story: Shyam said once there was a woman who was so in love with him she committed suicide, after he said that he would marry Hariji (name Lalita (?) a name given to a Shyam).

In Chandigarh: tries to be an artist and fails. He envies artists and yet thinks that he shouldn't hurt them because they are so influential. Tries to write poetry and fails and then writes plays and succeeds because he uses the mostly ribald stuff (gets rewards for it) in Chandigarh because they are trying to emulate the Americans. His poet friend Tivari knows how bad Shyam's poetry is and that is why he dies young. Supposed to have organised big meeting in Chandigarh where gets Gurus to come and speak. The purported speakers were Ananda Mayi Ma, for example or Maharishi otherwise. This is where he is supposed to have started with Maharishi.

On the West Coast there is an atmosphere of cover up because there are hippie dope dealers by now involved. By hippie dealers I mean those who sold the hippie drugs cannabis, peyote, LSD, and psilocyban mushrooms and not speed, ludes, crack, cocaine, or any of opium, morphine or heroin. Along with these there were a few draft dodgers. I had some sympathy for both groups as I myself would smoke (just longitudinal experimentally) and was against the war in Vietnam. Anyhow Shyam had to keep a balance, as the people who lived at the ashram were generally thought to be freed of cigarettes and drinking, and meat eating. Nobody says anything about it to the public that is coming in and so they never really are scrupulous in investigating the Shyam part either. His excuse is that he is picking them up so he can 'mould them' into gurus themselves, becoming enlightened or and of course reformed. Swami Shyam is anxious to protect his drug dealers and they are anxious to protect him as well. In any case he can always inform them when the cops are coming because he is already getting into their space with his 'powerful thoughts' you see. Because India at that time had not made laws against the grass and hash, we were attracted to their environment, especially as in some parts of conservative North America weed smokers were treated as if they were viscious and maniacal anti-social criminals and not the kind, peaceful, freedom loving lot they we thought we were.

I read the Ramayan some time later. This is the venerable book, which is the story of the hero Rama and his wife Sita, who are incarnations of gods. They are accosted by the demon king Raavan who kidnaps Sita and takes her to the island of Ceylon (Shri Lanka). Rama and his brother Lakshman accompanied by a host including the faithful monkey warrior Hanuman, fights and kills Raavan and his hoards. Sita is brought home. It was an odd phenomenon to me who is so usually quite sceptical that when I would read this book the hair on my arms would stand up from time to time. I would tingle all over. I was literally thrilled by it. Tears would come and exhilaration. No novel has done such a job on me. Incredible.

Swami Shyam's philosophy as it was called was based on certain ideals of the western world mixed with the tradition of the East. He didn't have anything to do with Buddhism but claimed his system was much more comprehensive. He taught mainly from the Bhagavaad Geeta and Patanjali Yoga Sutra. There was some discussion of tantra but his understanding publicly at least was that there was only paramtantra and that was the realisation of the absolute with the shaakti or energy of consciousness. Despite this the women were sometimes discretely referred to as shaktis themselves.

He was a married man, and named Shyam Charan Shirvastava. This led to his frequent reference to the thought of Krishna, as the Shyam is the aspect of Krishna, of the cowherd playing the flute with his cowgirl friends. Such traditional Shyam is a bit of a rascal. These cowgirls are called Gopis. There are his loving playmates in the Leela Rasa of Braj. There is exhilarating freedom in kirtan and bhajan - the dance of the lords devotees and lovers. The emphasis was on meditation and freedom from religious forms or regulations and it was left to the devotees to find discrete means of monitoring the balance between Yoga (union) and Bhoga (entertainment's or enjoyments). In the earliest years there was an interest in Advaita Vedanta but there was an underlying theme that devotees ought to remember that there were specific needs for specific times and personalities and that they would have to consult with the Guru, for any specific practice at any specific time. Those who were close to him were given information frequently and advice that they hoped for. Vaani said that Shyam had been in the military. He had said to her that if she had some sort of disease in her mind she could take a cat and put her feet on it and project the disease into the cat.

As I continued meditating month by month more and more of the phenomenon of transformation were happening. For about a month my belly had turned almost pink. There was heat in my abdomen and my head. I would put cold washcloths on it and it would dry out very quickly. I tied a sash around my waist to keep my stomach from bulging.

One day I had been meditating and listening to Shyam's talks on tape. My consciousness seemed to be floating in a space of some kind and it drifted by a flower the colour of crimson lake. I peeked inside and there was stardust sparkling around the pestles. It had about six petals. The background was creamy and yet translucent. When I came out of meditation moments later I felt highly energised. While doing Hatha Yoga postures one day I could feel the praanic energy or Chi move with me. It felt like a rubber bag and was pulling up out of my legs. The energy collected towards the perineum and there was pressure in that area. I was becoming a yogi, the Knower of the Universe of Oneness in Absolute Bliss Consciousness. The father of yoga as they say in India.

At first I thought the philosophy of Yoga seems absolutely subjective. The basis of it rests on the Highest Self or Brahma or the total personality within the total impersonal. The two become one in living consciousness—that is the oneness which is absolutely subjectively knowable and subject of experience. This experience cannot be had except by transformation of the man himself. Because this transformation is in fact quite rare, it could not really be made the foundation for a scientific analysis. Science is objective and rational when any reasonable person can be shown proof of its postulates and laws. One cannot realistically expect to test subjects in the experience of enlightenment. But nevertheless the truth mentioned here is not simply solipsism. The ground and the foreground merge into one undifferentiated reality. The subject is not separate from object, but transcends both. And even though the absolute truth to be demonstrated here is not available on demand in laboratory conditions the accessory truths as for example the claims concerning fourth states and effects of meditation and prayer are so. So despite its appearing to be very subjective the philosophy of Yoga is substantially scientific. In Yoga we talk about reality - objective and otherwise but only in relation to its essence being existence awareness etc. which is the domain of the individual as self. Reality is for the Self-realisation of the Self. The goal of life is not pleasure but knowledge. It is only knowledge that keeps enjoyment alive. Without it a man repeats himself and in repetition loses the capacity for the enjoyment of a thing.

So I'm trying to grip the fire, the word as flame burning all the impurities uncovering layer by layer the true being in his oceanic bliss. Yet there I go wandering. What does it mean to be desireless, don't we have to have desires? How can the mind be still if it has to turn round to get things done, things such that if you don't do them you will starve to death? It is almost as if desirelessness means to be without any life. Ah, how the mind does go round and round.

It wasn't always love and bliss at the ashrams. We did come to it with problems and that is exactly why we started meditating. The Gurukul, the house of the Guru and the associated ashrams was less like a church than a university. There were 'movies' which when they became too intense were referred to the Guru for settlements.

"At any rate I know that I have also had a hand in not making it work out? I can not do anything about their lives, but I can always do something about mine. If I am not caught up in the play of it then I will not ever run into these problems. All this repeatedly brings me back to the self-suggestion that I should meditate more and place my thoughts upon the highest state of consciousness.

Things were going fine. I'm spending time with S. R. (L. 's friends). She's very interested in the Yoga (that is the pursuit of Self-Realisation or God-realisation), "the trip", or path or way of living that leads to Higher Knowledge if you can believe such a things. I was learning a lot about gestalt.

And liked to talk about space and God and the Self. Work is going very well, not bothering me much and paying a decent wage. Since winter has come and I don't want to jog in the cold I have taken up Hatha Yoga. My diets pretty good except ... I say pretty sattvic in fact. I need some Rajas to stay with the job I read write and play the guitar and sing and my day is soon finished. It seems that I hardly have enough time. It seems that when the weekend comes I slow down so quickly that almost every Saturday I have diarrhea.

Toward myself, but I go toward you and Oneness (hopefully). You have said many times that a man without wisdom, without strength, without love can hardly do any good for others." my letter to Shyam

I was to have to make a big effort to absorb the whole philosophy, the God space, and not in the intellectual sense, but an existential sense, to live it without contradiction. To do it with intelligence integrated with the soul, and not mere knowledge floating about in an independent zone to be brushed aside when the real action comes. Knowledge is not different from motive, will, effort, intention, self image and so on. Knowledge is firmly integrated with the heart, in fact comes from the heart. The knowledge I have got from Shyam is only partly expressed in writing or in speech, but mostly in the silence of my inner being. This knowledge can be used for any part of life at all, even whether or not one should get bottled spring water. Even the most trivial things can be judged sound or unsound, even the smallest act can be shown to be meaningful. How many useless things we think and do without even seeing that they are useless.

I once made a practice of starting each day with the thought that this could be the day that something really wonderful could happen to me. I would put myself into a super optimistic frame of mind and work myself into a real glow. On those days something nice would happen. It was because the mood is everything. You begin to send out the right vibrations and people are attracted. They see the smile and they trust you and want to be near you. When I see someone is high and tuned in I am very attracted to it, especially in woman. If you walk around very down all the time people will begin to avoid you because they don't want to be around the pain. If you are angry all the time you won't get any love and the love you do receive will count for less and less. For me it was the possibility of self-realisation that created such great optimism. It was the one solution to my every problem.
 

Shyam wrote: "Wherever you are you must take care of your body, to meditate on acquiring more will-power than you have now. The maker of the habits, you are. If you know this fact then you can make unmaking of the habits. You are the same creative force while doing positive or negative things. The discrimination is to be used for doing only those things, which will help you and make you strong & physically healthy & nobody else can do this work for you, except you.
I appreciate your efforts & your intelligence. Please be careful about your health because I never feel good when I know that you, just because of wrong habits, cause suffering to your own body. So for my sake learn all good habits & be free from diseases & the states of sickness. You must meditate daily this will take care of you in the long run."
 

I was a rebellious 'angry young man', and then later a hippie. There were negative drifts of my mind and soul. I talked to myself constantly going over and over my memories, the load of pain, fears and failures, and the residue of well being, appreciation, creativity, and happiness which had been my original inheritance. Every part of me it seemed to need help, all of it had to be changed. Better to bring out the best in myself again and rescue by my own hand, my own destiny and the happiness which is the promise and the birth right of every human being. I am learning from him and it is existential knowledge. It is personal, knowledge in my being.

First Visit to India

My grandfather died and left me enough money to go to India. I went. The 'hermitage' of Swami Shyam lies in a gentle valley in the northern part of India. The Himalayas. Nov 1975: it was my first time in India. "INDIA! O LORD, WHAT THE, WHAT? . . ." When I stepped out of the airplane in Delhi a waft of hot air brought me the scent of the nation. It was dust, some manure, some overtone of sweetness as if the earth were so fertile and fecund it penetrated even the tarmac of the runway. A mixture of spectacular and tawdry, amazing and unusual but never dull, the country seemed to me to be both the greatest and the worst in one mixture.

The buses North to Chandigarh were a gut wrenching experience. The driver weaving from side to side to avoid the traffic of livestock bullock carts stacked twenty feet with hay or sugar cane or bamboo. The derelict bodies of previous bus crashes sat ominously beside or in the road. I went up to Chandigarh after touching down in Delhi airport. Shyam's house was in this city designed by the European architect Corbusier. I stayed at his house overnight. The next day I left with Annalee on the bus for Kullu. Shyam it seems was going to Nepal, with Prem and Veena. He came back only after a few weeks. On arrival in Chandigarh for the first time, I had gone to find a black market moneyman on Vaani's advice and had exchange a big lump of money for my expense at the ashram. That was standard fare back in 1976. Shyam had recommended it in the first place. I had gone later into his house, which was in the suburbs of that city and had entered his house. They had come out and brought me to the second story living room. There was an oil painting of Gandhi or Nehru on the wall that Shyam had done. He was supposed to have written some radio plays that were put on the air in that city, humorous pieces based on his arguments with his wife. He asked me to remove a leather belt that I had and we spoke briefly. I was very tired from the trip and had taken a rest. Later there was a meditation in the same room and we had sat in a circle. Then a few of us needed to lie down. At first my feet were pointing toward him and then he had asked us to point our feet away from him. I sensed there was something wrong in that but had let it past thinking that I was not being trusting enough. I had gone by bus up the road to Kullu, which takes about 12 hours. Anal had kept me company and it was quite journey.

I met him again for a second time in Kullu, after he returned from Nepal with Veena. He had already been up in Kullu with about a dozen steady students there at the hermitage or meditation centre, an ashram with many separate apartments for its students. There I met with Shyam again in the rather more relaxed atmosphere of Kullu valley. At first his first words are not so good but he was eager to please, as I must have looked irritated by what he said, he corrected himself and went on to talk about the power of yoga to revive man's consciousness and his was very peppy and zesty about it. Tears were nearly coming to my eyes, as he stood in the meditation room, speaking to me the essence of the Veda for me, as I needed to hear it. He was very forceful. It was the most optimist speech I ever heard. I was impressed, it was just terrific. On account of his enthusiasm and directness, I had faith in his words, which were the best of the Yoga tradition for the state I was in at that time. He so often made me feel good by what he said, and seemed to inspire me to do the best by myself. He never took anything from me and never ordered me to do anything. He never contradicted himself of his teachings, by word or deed.

I stayed in a place called Hill House owned and operated by an Indian woman called Aravati who lived next door with he husband Surinder and her kids.

Swami Shyam (Shyam Charan Shrivastava born c. 1923) had come from Koonch lower Uttar Pradesh, in Jalaun County. Not far from there to the East is Gwalior of Madhya Pradesh where his wife's family is located. Koonch was a taluk, or administrative centre, and was deep in rural Gangetic plains (the Jalaun plain) at the edge of the Vindhyan Hills.

JAL—JAM.
JALOUN.—A district of Bundlecund, and now a British possession. It is bounded on the west and north-west by the territories of Duttea, Sumpter, and of Gwalior; on the north by Gwalior and the British district of Etawah on the north-east by Cawnpore; on the south-east by Hummerpore; and on the south by Jhansee and Tehree. It lies between Lat. 25 32’ and 26° 26’, long. 78’ 45’ and 55’; its greatest length from north to south ia about seventy miles, and its breadth from east to west sixty miles. It was estimated in 1832 to have an area of 1,480 square miles, and to comprise 518 villages. Since that period, the limits of the district have been extended, by the addition of some pergunnahs(1) from the adjacent state of Jhansee, ceded to the British government, and also of a confiscated jaghire(2) called Chirgong. According to more recent returns, the area of the district increased to 1,873 square miles, supporting a population of 246,297 persons.

The district of Jaloun came into the possession of the Peishwa early in the eighteenth century, and the management of it was committed to one of his servants. Under the series of arrangements effected with the Peishwa in 1802 and 1805, the sovereign rights of that prince over Jaloun were transferred to the East India Company. The administrator, Nana Govind Rao of Calpee subsequently took up arms against his new lords; but the dispute was brought to an immediate conclusion. In 1817, the British government, by a new engagement, constituted the Nana “hereditary ruler of the land, then in his actual possession,” In 1822 the principality passed to a child only six years of age, who was placed under the guardianship of the widow of the former chief. The regent, however, who was herself but a child, being at the time not more than thirteen or fourteen years of age, proved quite unequal to the duty of controlling the refractory spirits in the district. A strong party was formed adverse to her authority; the country became disorganized, the government was involved in debt, and portion after portion of the territory mortgaged to talookars (3), until at length the regent and her minister, finding the credit of the government at an end, appealed to the British agent for his guarantee of a further loan, declaring their inability to carry on the government without it, and exhibiting a statement of revenues and expenses which showed an annual deficit of two and a half lacs of rupees. In these circumstances, it was deemed necessary that the British government should assume the temporary management of the country, for the purpose of reducing the expenditure, paying off the debt, resuming the mortgaged territory, and restoring order. This step was accordingly taken in 1838. The organization of a local military force being indispensable to supercede the undisciplined and disorderly troops previously maintained, the formation of a legion was authorized, composed of cavalry, infantry, and a gun establishment, with two European officers, as commanding officer and adjutant. Under the British administration, many beneficial changes were effected; cultivation was extended, and the country manifested unequivocal proofs of being in a state of gradual improvement. The infant chief did not live to the period when the propriety of committing the administration of the country to his charge could become a subject of discussion. He died during his minority, and no one surviving of the family of Nana Govind Rao entitled to claim the succession under the engagement by which that chief was constituted hereditary rider of the district, it lapsed, as a matter of course, to the East-India Company as paramount lord. Since the lapse, the indication, of progressive improvement has. continued to be satisfactory. A revenue settlement for term of years was made in 1849.

JALOUN.—A town of Bundelcund, situate 15 mile. S.W. of the right bank of the Jumna. It is the chief placeof the territory bearing the same name, and is distant W. from Calpee 28 miles, SE. from Agra 110, N.W. from Calcutta 675. Lit. 26˚ 9’, long. 79˚ 24’.

(1) a pergunnah is a district organized around a gang (par gana) or family group by hereditary possession. It can vary in size from several villages to thousands of them.

(2) jaghire - Collaborative International Dictionary of English v.0.48 : Jaghir \Ja"ghir\, n. [Per. j[=a]g[imac]r.]
A village or district the government and revenues of which are assigned to some person, usually in consideration of some service to be rendered, esp. the maintenance of troops. Written also jaghire, jagir, etc.] [India] --Whitworth. [1913 Webster]

(3) Generally, a tehsil [taluk] consists of a city or town that serves as its headquarters, possibly additional towns, and a number of villages. As an entity of local government, it exercises certain fiscal and administrative power over the villages and municipalities within its jurisdiction. It is the ultimate executive agency for land records and related administrative matters. Its chief official is called the tehsildar (also justice) or less officially the talukdar or taluka muktiarkar. The designation originates in Moghul rule.

"Utilitarian and evangelical-inspired social reform", including the abolition of sati and the legalisation of widow remarriage were considered by many—especially the British themselves—to have caused suspicion that Indian religious traditions were being "interfered with", with the ultimate aim of conversion. Recent historians, including Chris Bayly, have preferred to frame this as a "clash of knowledges", with proclamations from religious authorities before the revolt and testimony after it including on such issues as the "insults to women", the rise of "low persons under British tutelage", the "pollution" caused by Western medicine and the persecuting and ignoring of traditional astrological authorities. European-run schools were also a problem: according to recorded testimonies, anger had spread because of stories that mathematics was replacing religious instruction, stories were chosen that would "bring contempt" upon Indian religions, and because girl children were exposed to "moral danger" by education.

The sepoys also gradually became dissatisfied with various other aspects of army life. Their pay was relatively low and after Awadh and the Punjab were annexed, the soldiers no longer received extra pay (batta or bhatta) for service there, because they were no longer considered "foreign missions". The junior European officers were increasingly estranged from their soldiers, in many cases treating them as their racial inferiors. Officers of an evangelical persuasion in the Company's Army (such as Herbert Edwardes and Colonel S.G. Wheler of the 34th Bengal Infantry) had taken to preaching to their Sepoys in the hope of converting them to Christianity. In 1856, a new Enlistment Act was introduced by the Company, which in theory made every unit in the Bengal Army liable to service overseas. (Although it was intended to apply to new recruits only, the Sepoys feared that the Act might be applied retrospectively to them as well. It was argued that a high-caste Hindu who traveled in the cramped, squalid conditions of a troop ship would find it impossible to avoid losing caste through ritual pollution.)

In June, sepoys under General Wheeler in Cawnpore (present day Kanpur) rebelled and besieged the European entrenchment. Wheeler was not only a veteran and respected soldier, but also married to a high-caste Indian lady. He had relied on his own prestige, and his cordial relations with the Nana Sahib to thwart rebellion, and took comparatively few measures to prepare fortifications and lay in supplies and ammunition.

The besieged endured three weeks of the Siege of Cawnpore with little water or food, suffering continuous casualties to men, women and children. On June 25 Nana Sahib made an offer of safe passage to Allahabad. With barely three days' food rations remaining, the British agreed provided they could keep their small arms and that the evacuation should take place in daylight on the morning of the 27th (the Nana Sahib wanted the evacuation to take place on the night of the 26th). Early in the morning of June 27, the European party left their entrenchment and made their way to the river where boats provided by the Nana Sahib were waiting to take them to Allahabad. Several sepoys who had stayed loyal to the Company were removed by the mutineers and killed, either because of their loyalty or because "they had become Christian." A few injured British officers trailing the column were also apparently hacked to death by angry sepoys. After the European party had largely arrived at the dock, which was surrounded by sepoys positioned on both banks of the Ganges, with clear lines of fire, firing broke out and the boats were abandoned by their crew, and caught or were set on fire using pieces of red hot charcoal. The British party tried to push the boats off but all except three remained stuck. One boat with over a dozen wounded men initially escaped, but later grounded, was caught by mutineers and pushed back down the river towards the carnage at Cawnpore. Towards the end rebel cavalry rode into the water to finish off any survivors. After the firing ceased the survivors were rounded up and the men shot. By the time the massacre was over, all the male members of the party were dead while the women and children were removed and held hostage (and later killed in The Bibigarh massacre). Only four men eventually escaped alive from Cawnpore on one of the boats: two private soldiers (both of whom died later during the Rebellion), a lieutenant, and Captain Mowbray Thomson, who wrote a first-hand account of his experiences entitled The Story of Cawnpore (London, 1859).

Whether the firing was planned or accidental remains unresolved. Most early histories assume it was planned either by the Nana Sahib (Kaye and Malleson) or that Tantia Tope and Brigadier Jwala Pershad planned it without the Nana Sahib's knowledge (G W Forrest). The stated reasons for the planned nature are: the speed with which the Nana Sahib agreed to the British conditions (Mowbray Thomson); and the firepower arranged around the ghat which was far in excess of what was necessary to guard the European troops (most histories agree on this). During his trial, Tatya Tope denied the existence of any such plan and described the incident in the following terms: the Europeans had already boarded the boats and he (Tatya Tope) raised his right hand to signal their departure. That very moment someone from the crowd blew a loud bugle which created disorder and in the ongoing bewilderment, the boatmen jumped off the boats. The rebels started shooting indiscriminately. Nana Sahib, who was staying in Savada Kothi (Bungalow) nearby, was informed about what was happening and immediately came to stop it. Some British histories allow that it might well have been the result of accident or error; someone accidentally or maliciously fired a shot, the panic-stricken British opened fire, and it became impossible to stop the massacre.

The surviving women and children were taken to the Nana Sahib and then confined first to the Savada Kothi and then to the home of the local magistrate's clerk (The Bibigarh) where they were joined by refugees from Fatehgarh. Overall five men and two hundred and six women and children were confined in The Bibigarh for about two weeks. In one week 25 were brought out dead, due to dysentery and cholera. Meanwhile a Company relief force that had advanced from Allahabad defeated the Indians and by July 15 it was clear that the Nana Sahib would not be able to hold Cawnpore and a decision was made by the Nana Sahib and other leading rebels that the hostages must be killed. After the sepoys refused to carry out this order, two Muslim butchers, two Hindu peasants and one of Nana's bodyguards went into The Bibigarh. Armed with knives and hatchets they murdered the women and children. After the massacre the walls were covered in bloody hand prints, and the floor littered with fragments of human limbs. The dead and the dying were thrown down a nearby well, when the well was full, the 50-foot (15 m) deep well was filled with remains to within 6 feet (1.8 m) of the top, the remainder were thrown into the Ganges.

[An angry Begum Hussaini Khanum termed the sepoys' act as cowardice, and asked her lover Sarvur Khan to finish the job of killing the captives. Sarvur Khan hired some butchers, who murdered the surviving women and children with cleavers. The butchers left, when it seemed that all the captives had been killed. However, a few women and children had managed to survive by hiding under the other dead bodies. It was agreed that the bodies of the victims would be thrown down a dry well by some sweepers. The next morning, when the rebels arrived to dispose off the bodies, they found that three women and three children aged between four and seven years old were still alive. The surviving women were cast into the well by the sweepers who had also been told to strip the bodies of the murder victims. The sweepers then threw the three little boys into the well one at a time, the youngest first. Some victims, among them small children, were therefore buried alive in a heap of dead corpses.]

When war broke out, Jhansi quickly became a centre of the rebellion. A small group of Company officials and their families took refuge in Jhansi's fort, and the Rani negotiated their evacuation. However, when they left the fort they were massacred by the rebels over whom the Rani had no control; the Europeans suspected the Rani of complicity, despite her repeated denials.

By the end of June 1857, the Company had lost control of much of Bundelkhand and eastern Rajasthan. The Bengal Army units in the area, having rebelled, marched to take part in the battles for Delhi and Cawnpore. The many princely states which made up this area began warring amongst themselves. In September and October 1857, the Rani led the successful defence of Jhansi against the invading armies of the neighbouring rajas of Datia and Orchha.

Bahadur Shah was tried for treason by a military commission assembled at Delhi, and exiled to Rangoon where he died in 1862, bringing the Mughal dynasty to an end. In 1877 Queen Victoria took the title of Empress of India on the advice of Prime Minister, Benjamin Disraeli.

The rebellion saw the end of the British East India Company's rule in India. In August, by the Government of India Act 1858, the company was formally dissolved and its ruling powers over India were transferred to the British Crown. A new British government department, the India Office, was created to handle the governance of India, and its head, the Secretary of State for India, was entrusted with formulating Indian policy. The Governor-General of India gained a new title (Viceroy of India), and implemented the policies devised by the India Office. The British colonial administration embarked on a program of reform, trying to integrate Indian higher castes and rulers into the government and abolishing attempts at Westernization. The Viceroy stopped land grabs, decreed religious tolerance and admitted Indians into civil service, albeit mainly as subordinates.

About 40 miles from there was Kanpoor where in 1857 the massacre of British administration headquarters had taken place. Further Northeast was Lucknow, which similarly suffered. The Yamuna river flowed some thirty miles north on its way from Agra down from the Himalayas to Varanasi where it joins the sacred Ganges. South about 40 miles is Jhaansi,

The Raanee of Jhaansi

I forget the reference here. It is from Toronto Public Library textbook on the mutiny.

The Rani of Jhaansi, Tatya Topi, all actions within 40 miles of his birth place Koonch (where SCS said that he was born). The Rani had invited an embassy from the British in Kanpur and when they arrived in Jhaansi she killed almost all. Some few escaped and rode back to Kanpur where the British became furious. They attacked the Rani in Jhansi with an enormous force.

The famous library of Sanskrit manuscripts was totally destroyed and city was ruthlessly plundered. "So soon as the fighting had ceased, officers and men began to look about them with that spirit of curiosity which pervades one when visiting the shops of Wardour street, Leicester Square: they dived into every house and searched its dark comers, they pulled down walls, or parts of walls which looked of recent build, all in this self-same spirit of curiosity—of course, because that was forbidden under the strictest punishment. One class of articles, however, seemed to me to be looked on as fair loot by even the most scrupulous-these were the gods found in the temples. They were collected in great numbers, and were strangely sought after by every officer and soldier. There were Gunputties and Vishnoos innumerable, and of every metal., Some wore pretty ornaments, silver, with gold bangles on their grotesque limbs. and small enough to be worn on the watch chain, others were of brass and stone of fine workmanship" —Sylvester, Recollections of the Campaign in Malwa and Central India, pp 107-108.

But the soldiers were not content with picking up miniature images only. Lowe says that in the first moments of excitement they smashed and destroyed everything they found. " " A good many jewels had found their way into their pockets," says Lowe, "but," he apologises, "considering temptattion, one must say that they were more than obedient to the order to keep their hands from picking and stealing under.the trying and exciting circumstances." —Lowe, op. cit., p 264, Lowe, op. cit-, P 236

" . . . tested. Fruitlessly, however. From chamber to chamber—the enemy were driven at the point of the bayonet. At length the palace itself was gained. The opposition, however, had not even then entirely ceased. Two hours later it was discovered that fifty men of the Rani's bodyguard still held the stables attached to the building. A party of them remained in a room off the stables which was on fire till they were half burnt; their clothes in flames, they rushed out hacking at their assailants and guarding their 'heads with their shields."" The street fight continued till the next day and the city was ruthlessly sacked. Every black face was an enemy and the non-combatants suffered as heavily as the combatants."Those who could not escape threw their women and babes down wells, and then jumped down themselves.":

The British soldiers were thirsting for vengeance. They believed that the Rani was the person responsible for the massacre of their countrymen and women. Their feelings have been faithfully reflected in Dr. Lowe's account. "No maudlin clemency was to mark the fall of this city. The Jezebel of India was there—the young, energetic, proud, unbending, uncompromising Ranee, and upon her head rested the blood of the slain, and a punishment as awful awaited her." But the Rani was not to die the death of a felon. She left the fort under the cover of night in the garb of a man with her adopted son. She had with her an escort of faithful Afghans. The party passed unnoticed through the Orchha guards; but confronted by another picquet before long—they scattered and could not reunite. The Rani and her remaining troopers rode along the Kalpi road but Mama Saheb, her father, lost his way and the morning found him at the gates of Datia, faint with bleeding and exhausted by hard riding. He was forth-with arrested and sent to Jhansi where he was hanged at Jokhan Bagh.

The Rani rode on and covered twenty-one miles in a night but her escape became known in the British camp in the morning. A pursuit was immediately ordered. Captain Forbes and Lieutenant Dowker pushed on with the 3rd Light Cavalry and 14th light Dragoon- Forty of the Rani's faithful troopers turned back and gave them a fight and were slain to a man. They once came in sight of their quarry, but the Ranee was an "excellent rider" . . . and pursuit was given up. Jhansi fell but Kaipi, the headquarters of the Peshwa force remained to be taken. It had become . . . the meeting place of all the rebel leaders. Rao Saheb, the most energetic member of the Peshwa family, was there. The Nawab of Banda, united to the Peshwa by family ties, was later to join him at Kalpi. And now they had with them the Rani of Jhansi. Tatya had lost many . . . big guns at the battle of the Betwa but with characteristic resourcefullness made up for his loss. The rebel army did not wait at Kalpi, but advanced to the strategic town of Koonch on the Jhansi road. The wood, gardens, and the temples that skirted the city afforded them good cover but they could not hold the place and had to fall back on Kalpi. On the 23rd May they were compelled to evacuate their last stronghold after a series of hard-fought actions. The next day, the victorious general received a message of congratulations from the Governor-General:. "Your capture of Kalpee has crowned a series of brilliant., and uninterrupted successes. I thank you and your brave soldiers with all my heart."

After the fall of Kalpi the rebel leaders held a council where the representatives of the sepoys were also present. Their last stronghold to the south of the Jumna was gone and they had to seek a fresh field of operation. The sepoys wanted to go to Oudh, the Rani preferred Karera in Jhansi or some other place in Bundelkund, but but Tatya argued that the Bundelas were hostile and supplies could be hard to get in their home land. Rao Saheb suggested the Deccan. The Peshwas ruled over the Deccan in days and in the heart of Maharashtra the Peshwa's was still a name to conjure with. Many of the chiefs would yet . . .

The Nawab was a descendant of Baji Rao I in the legitimate line. He kindly treated all English refugees but was ultimately forced to join the rebellion The account at (Cvwllim?) affair is based on MacPherson's report. Foreign Political Conciderations 4283, 31 Dec., 1858"

Highlights of 20th century Jhaansi

Despite many claims to the contrary the Gangetic plain had been mostly tribal until 1800-1500 BC when the civilising power of Aryan culture migrated into this area with its Vedic knowledge. The earliest civilisation had been in the Hindus river basin, which is now Pakistan. There Harrapa civilisation had been founded in about 3500 BC about the same time as Sumer and Egypt.

Back in Kullu Valley, Himachal Pradesh. I see occasionally waves of energy flowing through the air. They look similarly to the pouting warm liquid into cold liquid where you can see the edges of the flow of the hot because of the differential in temperature. If you can visualise that superimposed on the air in a room and traveling from one person to another or from one part of a person to another that is what I felt that I was seeing.

Almost moment to moment my eyes ears, nose skin and whole body is changing. What are all these phenomenon. Is it the praan (life force)? What is that little black seed, which is found in the middle of the glowing dot which, is seen in the middle of meditation? So many curious phenomenon happen to me of the spiritual kind or psychic kind that it is hard to keep up with my ideas of how things are 'really' put together. I had the impression that by person one was speaking of a human being who had certain kinds of perceptions and feelings and so on, and I discover that in fact we mean something quite different. By ordinary person we mean someone who lives very much within the boundaries of the ordinary senses, we do not think that he may be capable of anything extraordinary. Yet as I look at any man normally and even myself I do not ever admit that he might not be limited to just ordinary perceptions. It doesn't fit within my understanding and self-definition or human definition very well. It gives me a serious jar to think that I might be becoming like this. I am truly amazed.

It is winter 1975/6 at the Kullu Valley ashram. Mahabir is wandering the ashram in Kullu valley chanting, "hare hare gange, hare hare gange," and trying to keep himself from going into a depression. He is very sad and can't bring himself out of it. "Just his growth," explains Swami Shyam. Vaani is seething angry. Veena has a peculiar habit of not wearing her underwear. Since the group sits on a carpet in the meditation room, Veena's long dress is sometimes not adequate to cover the flow and fall of the skirt, and consequently Vaani has gotten angry for the propriety of the sanctuary as it were. It is the same with Kalyani according to others. In the years previous she had taken the liberty of going down to the Beas and had lain naked on the rocks getting a sun tan. It was the scandal of the valley. Since many, many times there had been issues about rules and there had never been any made, Vaani could not say very much to her openly. Well I thought it is not fair that the men of India should be allowed to go about naked. Why make such a big fuss about woman. I love asking the naive questions. The reason of course is practical. In the mountains and many places in India the woman do doff their tops and go about their back yards topless. It is never the custom to expose the genitalia though and it really is a problem of etiquette with the Western woman as well. The Indian men consider such exposure an aggravation. India is about 15% Muslim and I suppose that I don't need to explain any further. So despite her freedom to do so she ought to recognise that the Himalayas are not Gabriola Island, BC and she would have to suffer the consequences by herself if she were hurt (stoned or raped and killed) somehow. What few people knew was that in Vancouver in his early years Shyam had gone with the group to Reck Beach which was notorious for nudity. Kalyani was with them.

Once, he, the Swami had been arguing with his wife who was accusing him of spending questionable if not wrongful moments with the female devotees. She came into the meditation room where we had been talking and she made some reproach in Hindi. So he says, "oh yeah! I can do whatever I want watch this." Mary was in the room so he said, "Mary why don't we do it". She looked actually like she was interested and quite disturbed simultaneously. She didn't get up. But she didn't deny she would do so. He proceeded to untie his lungi (a kind of wrap the size of a beach towel that is around the waist), and his lungi fell to the ground leaving him in his lingoti a sort of jockstrap. Hariji, his wife, ran from the room. She was very angry but we all just sat there. We didn't know much about Guru's in those days. Afterward he started joking with us (there were perhaps only five people there). Later when I realized what was really going on I came to understand that she had every right. If I had known who he really was I would have left the ashram. India is notorius for wife abuse.

One day in Kullu 1976 or so Suresh and Mary had gotten in a big argument and he had run after grabbing her by the hair and calling her a bitch. There was a very big row about it and it had gone on for weeks. About this same time the small cottage especially built for Suresh, which was located on the land tucked away in a corner beside the meditation hall, burned down. They said a candle had started it and I believed it because the candles we had were so poorly made that that they were sometimes softening and bent over after lighting them. The Kullu valley fire department had arrived, but the single fire engine was incapable of delivering water to the cottage even though it was only 30 feet or so from the road and was some twenty feet downhill from it. However they had plenty of manpower and line of water bucket handlers quickly formed up and managed to keep the fire under control. The flames had come dangerously close to spreading to the meditation room nearby, but a heroic local called Surinder had got up on the roof of the mediation hall and taking slate tiles from that roof threw them through the roof of the cottage. The flames then ceased licking at the walls of the hall and went straight out through the top of the cottage.

We worked late into the night and the next day there was a very long satsang on "taking it as it comes, and taking it as it goes". Of course Suresh no longer had the independence and the space to run his own life but now was sequestered under the watchful eye of his father and mother, Hariji, in her own apartments. By 1980 Shyam had himself built a cottage on the hillside above "The Land" and he moved out his house and away from his wife. By this time his real estate had incremented in value to almost a million dollars Canadian. Land and building in Kullu, a prime resort area, were especially prized by non-Himalayans as summer homes, and the property had become very expensive. Almost everyone in Kullu could be thought to be rich by Indian standards. But by the 1990s Shyam had become a crorepati or rupee deca-millionaire. They say that there are 4000 of them in Chandigarh where he used to reside.

Renunciation and beyond. There are stages of detachment. Vairagya means literally renunciation. One can give up the goods thinking that to have them causes the bondage. Or one can give up the thought of the bondage and have the goods anyway. With Vairagya the art is to recognise the temporal is not the eternal. The personal is not the transcendence (that is not confusing the ego with the space or spirit) and not confusing bliss with pleasure and its results. Vairagya really means to have the knowledge that nothing is permanent. If nothing is permanent how can one get so attached and plan on having the object or plan on enjoying the event permanently. Even the capacity to enjoy ages. Renunciation is recognising this mechanism of trying to make permanent one's relative joys. Parvairagya is the Self-realisation event where no more effort is required to work with one's tendencies. They are already dissolved of dissipated. One remains enjoying the bliss of the absolute and no thought or tendency goes towards these sensual or egotistic pleasures any more. They don't make sense any longer. If one is always knowing one's own self to be permeating the whole existence and that this existence is consciousness and bliss what is the point of pursuit of pleasure or trying to add to one's wealth. At this stage there is sublime non-attachment.

Vivekchudamani, Adi Sankaracharya,  Translated by Swami Madhavananda
Published by Advaita Ashram, Kolkatta

16. An intelligent and learned man skilled in arguing in favour of the Scriptures and in refuting counter-arguments against them – one who has got the above characteristics is the fit recipient of the knowledge of the Atman.

17. The man who discriminates between the Real and the unreal, whose mind is turned away from the unreal, who possesses calmness and the allied virtues, and who is longing for Liberation, is alone considered qualified to enquire after Brahman.

18. Regarding this, sages have spoken of four means of attainment, which alone being present, the devotion to Brahman succeeds, and in the absence of which, it fails.

19. First is enumerated discrimination between the Real and the unreal; next comes aversion to the enjoyment of fruits (of one’s actions) here and hereafter; (next is) the group of six attributes, viz. calmness and the rest; and (last) is clearly the yearning for Liberation.

20. A firm conviction of the mind to the effect that Brahman is real and the universe unreal, is designated as discrimination (Viveka) between the Real and the unreal.

21. Vairagya or renunciation is the desire to give up all transitory enjoyments (ranging) from those of an (animate) body to those of Brahmahood (having already known their defects) from observation, instruction and so forth.

22. The resting of the mind steadfastly on its Goal (viz. Brahman) after having detached itself from manifold sense-objects by continually observing their defects, is called Shama or calmness.

23. Turning both kinds of sense-organs away from sense-objects and placing them in their respective centres, is called Dama or self-control. The best Uparati or self-withdrawal consists in the mind-function ceasing to be affected by external objects.

24. The bearing of all afflictions without caring to redress them, being free (at the same time) from anxiety or lament on their score, is called Titiksha or forbearance.

25. Acceptance by firm judgment as true of what the Scriptures and the Guru instruct, is called by sages Shraddha or faith, by means of which the Reality is perceived.

26. Not the mere indulgence of thought (in curiosity) but the constant concentration of the intellect (or the affirming faculty) on the ever-pure Brahman, is what is called Samadhana or self-settledness.

27. Mumukshuta or yearning for Freedom is the desire to free oneself, by realising one’s true nature, from all bondages from that of egoism to that of the body–bondages superimposed by Ignorance.

28. Even though torpid or mediocre, this yearning for Freedom, through the grace of the Guru, may bear fruit (being developed) by means of Vairagya (renunciation), Shama (calmness), and so on.

29. In his case, verily, whose renunciation and yearning for Freedom are intense, calmness and the other practices have (really) their meaning and bear fruit.

30. Where (however) this renunciation and yearning for Freedom are torpid, there calmness and the other practices are as mere appearances, like water in a desert.

31. Among things conducive to Liberation, devotion (Bhakti) holds the supreme place. The seeking after one’s real nature is designated as devotion.

32. Others maintain that the inquiry into the truth of one’s own self is devotion. The inquirer about the truth of the Atman who is possessed of the above-mentioned means of attainment should approach a wise preceptor, who confers emancipation from bondage.

33. Who is versed in the Vedas, sinless, unsmitten by desire and a knower of Brahman par excellence, who has withdrawn himself into Brahman; who is calm, like fire that has consumed its fuel, who is a boundless reservoir of mercy that knows no reason, and a friend of all good people who prostrate themselves before him.

'God' meant something new to me now. It wasn't the image of father according to me to religious convention anymore; it was an all-permeating consciousness. It meant the basic and underlying Being, the Ground of all existence, which is experience as oneself, beyond subject and object dualities. It meant Sat (truth), Chit (consciousness), and Aananda (bliss). That is Satchitananda. God didn't mean Lord anymore in the sense of a being that speaks. It meant the all-permeating reality, which is god consciousness. After I had gotten used to this idea, the idea of God the Father became foreign to me.

I had elementary instructions on the path. Do Hatha yoga, keep a vegetarian diet and keep the mind aimed at knowing God. St. Paul has put it this way. In Corinthians, 'be ye therefore transformed by the daily renewal of thy mind.' Food can be assimilated right in the mouth at best, lots of chewing and its assimilated in liquid and then carried into the (fourth dimension) the subtle part of the body almost as if it had bypassed the physical digestion process. I am saying this as if it were the case but the reality is that when you are close living in God-consciousness the physical body can take on some very awesome characteristics.

So it is taken into the subtlest regions of the organism as nourishment. Or in other terms it is taken into the akaash, it is at this point that the vibrations of the food is most important. Things that have been killed still have the chemistry of the killing. The fear and the pain that the animal has produces chemical before they die and these chemicals enter into one's own bodily existent and become the chemistry of one's own fear and pain etc.

I was feeling faint: just sit down again and watch because that is from sitting (drink lots of water). Lack of exercise, or not eating well also. Sanskrit terminology should not become impediments to understanding that self realisation is very simple and these words are meant to describe the way and make it easy for the aspirant to transcend. It is much better just to understand it as space.

Health is really in the spine, healthy food and energy from the way of Brahmacharya. Brahmacharya means directing one's energy in every possible way to the goal of Self-realisation. While doing praanayaama one should clean up the diet as well, other wise the energy released will be clogged or blocked and impurities will not wash out.

Shyam says treat it that when you're feeling good that it is all yours and when you are feeling bad then it is Krishna's or God's (made me laugh). The name Shyam means to be the name of god in India. To be called Shyam is not to be called as Jesus in the west or perhaps qualified in the sense of being Jesus when he is in certain modes. When he is out in the pasture with some friends when we refer to his consciousness as universal aspect of God. Through the deep meditation states, and verging on the state of enlightenment there is experience of deep rest and ease from the satisfaction of self-actualisation.

The body and mind must be kept cool. The Dhyaan Agni or heat of meditation is brought under control by: 1)-drinking lots of fluids 2) soaking the head or putting wet clothes on the head. If there is no cool fresh water drink Coca-Cola even ... sometimes the body is hot because of spontaneously evolved energy and one should know that a cold bath is necessary (or go stand in the river for a while—Hariji, Shyam's wife did this when she saw God (had an opening). People sometimes get into this situation and cannot tell the difference between simple fever from disease and the heat from concentration. In samadhi, a guru is the master of the states of mind. When one studies with a guru it is to become a guru. The need to be a good guru means that you are promising to deliver the disciple, devotee, or student or friend to the state of self-realisation. That means that the student becomes free from anything that binds the mind, even guru's own mind. A guru is not a guru if the students don't realise themselves. If the guru does not have the scope to bring the student to an awareness of the realities of the state of Enlightenment as with the Buddha and many other such enlightened persons then the Guru is a teacher of Yoga and not really Moksha, he is nevertheless then, an Upaguru. If the "guru" somehow harms the student or the society and doesn't live for the good of the whole community the he is not to be respected. There are plenty of critics in India of their own Gurus. There are many, many who call themselves gurus and Swamiji and so on who are not thought to be enlightened but are merely pundits. Examples: Swami Shivandanda of Hrishikesh who has taught in this century was Guru of Satchitananda, Vishnudevananda, Venkateshananda and Chidananda, of these teachers Satchitananda is the best that I know. Satchitananda was the one who came to America and was a forefather of Hatha Yoga. He calls his school Integral Yoga. He gave the speech blessing the Woodstock nation, in 1969, he later started an ecumenical temple in Virginia. Many people were fond of him and he was a very steady guy. Venkateshananda I heard was in South Africa doing work there. Chidananda was the mainstay in Hrishikesh, in India and was the most conservative of the lot. It was Vishnudevananda that linked up with Peter Max who had done a paisley aeroplane that they took to Europe to fly over Berlin throwing peace pamphlets over the Wall. Later in St. Margeritte's in the Laurentians of Quebec he was to host many strange phenomenon from India which were mind over matter displays. People who could stick a nail though their skin and it would not bleed and that sort of things. He got into an argument with Satchitananda about it and Satchitananda stopped associating with him. He didn't appear in Montreal after that except for the occasional conference with John Rosnerr the psychic new age minister resident at Concordia University of Montreal.

Neem Karoli Baba (Maharaji) the teacher of Ram Dass was a miracle worker, a Sat guru, according to many. Still a saintly man and with an outstanding reputation for integrity and love of god, still no realisations are known to have followed him. I met Ram Dass or Doctor Richard Alpert on a few occasions and always loved his stories about Neem Karoli BABA . . . who is known to have done miracles for healing the sick.

Ramakrishna was the great saint of India who was much loved for establishing a school and being the spiritual father of Vivekananda. His record was impeccable and he produced many miracles. He had a fine, fine crowd of followers who produced many translations of the traditional teachings of India. He was called an avatar for the miracles he produced.

Swami Yogananda who had come to North America in the early part of this century and who taught many here about the idea of Self -realisation, was considered a Mahatma or great soul, left no self-realisations as so far been witnessed by his students. Meher Baba considered an avatar by many did not produced any self realised students but was a said to be saint; he lived in California for some time.

Shree Ramana Maharshi who I have seen on film and read thoroughly was considered to be a saint and teacher but was not known to have produced any god-realised students from his school. Shree Nityananda of Ganeshpuri was the spiritual father of Baba Muktananda was a God-realised man and his follower Muktananda was purported to be realised and a saint. Nityaananda lived impeccably in God for many years and was loved in this part of the world by thousands who had met him and had prospered by him. This man is a sat guru according to many despite allegations about wrong doing in the press.

Among the Roshi and Rimpoches there are a number of beloved teachers who have acted in a very saintly fashion and have met with a lot of love. I met Seuhn Sahn Suensa and a woman teacher who is thought to be a Buddha by some, Ching Hai of Hongkong. I think she is phony about Buddhism but doing some very good works anyway.

I met Sant Darshan Singh the former leader of the Beas River satsang of the Sikh tradition and who was a master of sorts. I met him in Toronto and he had spoken very well. After his speech on the way out he stopped and looked at my friend and me and came over and gave us a big hug. He was a very strong man and in a great state of mind, him I loved even though I don't necessarily share great sentiments with the rest of the Sikh religion.

Baba Haridass who lives still in California and who is thought to be a saint by many he is in the way of self realisation but is not known to be a satguru. I have sat with him at his ashram and heard him speak in public. In fact he gave me a recipe for improving my digestion and my intestines. Altogether I have met or have seen quite a few teachers and Guru's.

If one is going to operate or live or be in a super space and be comfortable, happy, easy and at peace then one should know this following. The extraordinary sensations can be very mundane after a while as flashes of Kundalini in the Shushumna and heat at the Mooldhara chakra occur to many as a transient phase.

"There are no rules," Swami Shyam used to say. We tried to be very free. There were rules but he just wouldn't admit that there were.

I've been lying down and it occurred to me that I wasn't breathing entirely through the nose. It felt as if with each inhalation came a gentle puff of cool air over the bridge of the nose and into my body.

One evening there was only some ten or so of us in the meditation room. Shyam came in and sat for a while and then proceeded to lie on the dais. I thought he was going to sleep until he began inhale long deep breaths, and to exhale them with a soft whispering whistle. He went on like this for about twenty minutes. I was feeling like my body was disappearing and at the same time appeared to be going deeper and deeper into myself. I could hardly sit up anymore and was sliding down the wall.

Eventually I decided to go to my room for a while. On the way up the hill, my own breath was bringing praan into my system so by the time I arrived at the Hill House I felt as if I had just run a few miles in a hurry. I rushed to the back house toilet and never made it and much to my embarrassment I had to stop at the side of the path (fortunately in the dark) expelled some diarrhea. Then I proceeded into the toilet and threw up. I cleaned up and went back to my room. I drank some water and then felt like all I could do was meditate. As I sank in the consciousness went immediately into a formless space. I don't know how long I was in this state. I sat very upright feeling as if the Kundalini was pushing my vertebrae into alignment without having to use any muscle power. At the end I felt that I was coming spiraling out of a body. And looking down realised that I was looking at a man on a cross. Moments a later I was in a creamy but translucent space and there emerged an elephant with the fittings seen on the traditional court animals depicted in Indian traditional lore. It had gold tip tusks. I held that picture for a while in my mind. Then as I emerged from the space. I felt myself in very unfamiliar terrain. The energy was tremendous.

I would say any word or mantra and the praan would flow around according to the word. Ram came from the heart and went into the throat. It felt easy. Shiva or Shiva created pressure in the forehead, while Shyaam lifted me out the top of my head. Still I felt disturbed by so much energy. I needed to talk to Shyam about it. And so went down the hill getting more and more anxious as I went. I was then repeating the mantra Om namah Bhagavate vasudevaya that for some reason felt the best to me. Shyam was no longer about and I came upon his son Suresh. Suresh stopped for a while and after talking to him I felt better. I guess I had just needed a reference. I went back to my room and fell asleep. In the morning I started thinking about dying on the cross. Suppose I was Jesus Christ?! When I saw Shyam I told him what had happened. Then asked him what it meant. He knew what I was getting at. "The Self is the Self of all", he said, "and therefore I am Shyam, Ram, Jesus and Buddha, Patanjali and Kabir one and all. People come to me and say it all the time, 'you are Buddha, you are Jesus.' But it is all the same. Don't concern yourself with these things too much. Self realisation is pure consciousness, pure bliss the truth and these things are just for dignity sake."

Well it wasn't easy for me to think that. Was I Jesus? What an incredible thought how ironic that would be. I was about thirty at the time and I had spent from age 18 to age 26 putting down the idea of Christian anything and here I have this experience of having died on the cross. Was that a real experience of Jesus? Did I just think that was what I was experiencing? What was the reality about being Jesus? I used to think that people who believe they are Jesus are most undoubtedly crazy, that they were out of their trees, you know. I didn't know whether I should stick to the wall or try to tell somebody about it. So I didn't really give it much consideration at the time I just kept on studying and practicing all kinds of yoga and put it on the back burner. Sometimes I would just laugh to myself and think, "supposing I was"— should I rush into the church and proclaim myself? Can you imagine me trying to go into the church and saying I am Jesus? It was laughable matter. How deadly it could be to proclaim myself that way. I am Eric not Jesus Christ, and my saintliness you could stick on the head of a pin according to me.

Some time after found out that millions of people had died on the cross in the time of Jesus and that there were a terrible number of followers of Jesus who had died on the cross also. Stephen was stoned to death. Killed with rocks by his brethren in the old faith, the Romans were savagely trying to put down Christians for a very long time. They were the abused of the human race. So even if I died on the cross that does not make me Jesus. I could be Christian that no body had heard of that used to identify with Jesus, as his own self. You see. Not only but if I were to have been in some past life the man who had lived and died in Palestine in the first century AD then even so I was certainly not living according to the standards he set.

This lead me to think that if I were to have been Jesus it would be all the same for me in this present life. I still have to live according to the attunement to God to be able to say, "Well yes, I was Jesus in some past life and that I should honored for it in this life," so I was getting mind boggled by the thoughts that came of this experience.

I let it go. Why bother. I was trying to live as well as I could and I was trying to achieve something in my spiritual life as myself and I didn't want to get hung up on what I would ultimately have to live as myself anyway. Identifying with the life of Christ is a standard procedure in some parts of Christianity. It means living as if one were Jesus. I should be surprised to find many honest and intelligent people to have been as much as part of the divine life and soul of Jesus by association and level of god consciousness that I wouldn't be surprised if very many people were to call themselves incarnation of the Christ themselves and take in good will and happiness at the thought.

More later. Vedic scripture & Upanishads. Shyam did not really ascribe to the Vedas. We used bits and pieces here and there but he recognized the fact that there were not appropriate to modern man. He concentrated more in Patanjali Yoga Darshan, The Bhagavad Geeta and perhaps Vivek Chudamani or Light of Knowledge. If I had to classify his philosophy I would put it into Neo Vedanta.

Shyam on sex, family and religions. He took a liberal attitude to these things. Although he was a family man he also recognised the value of being celibate. Above all he was for the Sat Chit Ananda. Beyond the form. The family then was respected but it was recognised that relationships in general are dependencies and derived from the identity of the pure consciousness with the objects of the senses that he felt was in the final analysis a mistake. Through meditation one was to realise that the nature as a whole was transient and the only eternal, preferable was the essence of soul, God or Being, the Absolute Bliss Consciousness. For this there must be some efforts made in the way of spiritual practice. This meant he encouraged Brahmacharya (dedication of the life-energies to God-realisation) without outlawing sex. The Yogis in general do not make religious laws.

Advaita Vedanta. This philosophy which was expounded by the great Shankara Acharya is perhaps the most popular in India. It is estimated that seventy percent of all "Hindu" today espouse this thought in one form or another. Basically it says that there is only 'one without a second'. There is an actual world (not an illusion in the way one commonly thinks of it) but it is not eternal. It is an illusion to think that this world is a duality of perceiver and perceived. This is identification with the pairs of opposites. What makes the ordinary world unreal is that fact that ultimately we experience the cosmos to be without difference between subject and object in essence. This is Brahman. It is the ground of all being. Unqualified and unmanifest. Ashtanga yoga. Ashtanga means ashta-eight anga—limbs. These are the austerities (truthfulness, non-violence, non-theft, Brahmacharya, non-grasping) and observances (cleanliness internal and external, contentment, work and effort, study, and surrender to the spirit/God/Self), Hatha yoga (asaana), control of the life forces (pranayam), self control in the mind, contemplation, meditation, and the experience of Oneness (peak experience). The essence of ashtanga as elucidated by Patanjali is Nirodha (to become waveless, unmodified) through the practice of Samadhi (transformation through concentration) and the assimilation of Gyaan (knowledge of the absolute non-dual existence). Yoga practice results in kevalya (the firm knowledge that 'I alone am' or I am one without a second state of existence). bhagavad geeta. This text is a mixture of Yoga and Brahmanic philosophies. It is the cream of the Upanishads and is one of Shyam's favorites.

Is Shyam truly self realised? It should be clear that this is the apex of human evolution. The Self is found to be structured on the space of pure consciousness. This consciousness is universal, permeates and containing all. It is an absolute. It is what we call God. God is like the consciousness that extends everywhere and is the essence of all life. To be Self realised means to be God-realised. This is the basis, the foundation, and the true goal of all true religious practice. It is the Kingdom of Heaven, Liberation, Nirvana, the Tao and so on. It is also called Brahma. This is the Sat guru. Without Self-realisation there can be no Guru (no real Guru). A guide there can be, but to get you to the real one needs someone who knows the real. Some of the great incarnations of the godhead according to India are Rama, Krishna, Buddha, Vashishta and many more. To be an incarnation of god or avatar is really more a commonplace in the thought of India that is known in other parts of the world. Messiah is said to compare to these avatars as brother— one among them in high incarnations and divinity. This is the particularly difficulty for the Christians—indeed three henotheist traditions Islam, Judaism and Christianity—in understanding and sympathy, that they cannot readily accept the holiness of India. To them what these avatars teach is blasphemy, and therefore either have no relevance to faith, or are in fact quite unacceptable.

How do you really know the self-realisation of another? You have to be self realised yourself to truly know. Catch 22 when it comes to choosing gurus, ashrams and lifestyle. The ashrams were very free. We came and went from them according to our dispositions.

Yet in the Ashrams we abandoned many habits. We made meditation the focus and the priority in whatever house we were in. The meditation room was sacrosanct. It was given top priority. When there was a meditation going on there was no sound anywhere else in the house. It was often a centre of intense self-discipline.

We did the whole thing. We did pranayam, Hatha yoga, ate vegetarian or sometimes fasted, cleaned out the toxins from our systems, learned the philosophy, chanted and gave speeches about it to each other. We listened to Shyam on tape and then discussed it after. And yet we were totally free. There was no love bombing or selling flowers on the street. There were no membership drives and if someone did show up nobody said anything in particular. We respected people's integrity and privacy because we knew it was our own.