The Muang

In the winter some time.
 

from The Portable Jung, Ed Joseph Campbell, Penguin Books, NY, NY, 1980 (1971)

p83-84

"...the process of assimilating the unconscious leads to some very remarkable phenomena. It produces in some patients an unmistakable and often unpleasant increase of self-confidence and conceit; they are full of themselves... They lose the self-confidence and abandon themselves with dull resignation to all the extraordinary things that the unconscious produces... The pessimistic resignation of the others masks a defiant will to power, far surpassing in cocksureness the conscious optimism of the first time..."

p 120.

"...the otium dignatis, the superhuman responsibility of the prophet, turns into the far sweeter otium indignatis. The disciples is unworthy, modestly he sits at the masters feet and guards against having ideas of his own. Mental laziness becomes a virtue; one can at least bask in the light of a semi-divine being. He can enjoy the archaism and infantilism of his unconscious fantasies without loss to himself, for all responsibility is laid at the Master's door. Through his deification of the Master the disciple apparently without noticing it waxes in stature; moreover, does he not possess the great truth — not his own discovery of course, but received straight from the Master's hands? Naturally the disciples always stick together, not out of love, but for the very understandable purpose of effortlessly confirming their own convictions by engendering an air of collective agreement. Now this is an identification with the collective psyche that seems altogether more commendable, somebody else has the honor of being a prophet, but also the dangerous responsibility. For one's own part, one is mere disciple, but nevertheless a joint guardian of the great treasure, which the master has found. One feels the full dignity and burden of such a position, deeming it a solemn duty and moral necessity to revile others not of a like mind, to enroll proselytes and to hold up a light to the Gentiles, exactly as though one were the prophet oneself. And these people, who creep about an apparently modest persona, are the very ones who, when inflated by identification with the collective psyche, suddenly burst upon the world scene. For just as the prophet is a primordial image of the collective psyche, so also is the disciple of the prophet..."

elsewhere Jung has indicated that the archetype of the prophet is one of the most powerful archetypes in the psyche..
 

p107 "she had played with the shadow side of her father which her mother never saw, and how, far in advance of her years she became her mother's rival.. " This is the inside out of Shyam Space and Swami Shyam that he played with the father side and meant to replace the father in the men.

Baha'ullah has prohibited plunging one's hand in food. They are supposed to be for unity of mankind, yet the man is prohibited the Indian way of eating. Also blacklisted is Brahmacharya or continence, and muttering sacred verses on the street. One is not allowed to say mantra's to oneself as one walks. Congregational prayer is prohibited, asceticism, use of public pools, shaving one's head, growing one's hair longer than the bottom of the ears for men, and finally mendicancy. He prohibited much of the spiritual life worldwide already. These offenses are mentioned in the same breath as murder and extortion.

Considering my many long hair friends of the seventies and my love of Buddhist (who shave their heads) I couldn't see any love for Bahai laws. Overall I thought it ridiculous.

[mu-ang.war.two]

In the following account I have misconstrued everything about Lucy as the The Demon. What I didn't know was there was a being sent to Canada by Shyam, many many ghosts of Jaddoos, saddhu and failed gurus of the worst caliber. This included many of these spirits or ghosts young woman had been conned or seized hold of in Kullu Valley and in other parts of India, some from temples and some in public places. There was possibly some children in the neighborhood of the Kullu Valley ashram of Indian origin. These souls were extremely maltreated and invested with powers and sent over to do a job for Shyam. The were conned with promises of great success in the space and becoming the ruling class, to incarnate in America, and to earn great merits for the relative which were still living and could receive wealth for it. Some are men some are women. In fact they imitated everybody at the ashram, and gave themselves the names of the Western students, thinking they didn't need their real names any more. So did the spook Guru himself call himself shyam space of swami shyam . It behaves like an energy parasite becoming "Kundalinee serpent in its lair" and then residing or hiding in the genitals, base of the spine, navel point, heart and neck, back of the head and top of the head, blocking the sahasrar. He the guru, was especially when there is sex among the students that it pursues. It often says, "I must be such and such", as for example the fathers thoughts. Or the girlfriend. For many a long year I thought that the Guru Shyam was actually talking to me from his home in Kullu valley. It was a ghost hiding behind his photograph at my house.

I believed that he had left residual energies of his consciousness in the memories or imprints in the "space". He was reported in the early years to do openings from Kullu. "I am everywhere" he would say and then let the students fill in his claim with their stories of feeling the energies in Canada. Pavitra said that she had been sitting in Ottawa many years back 1976 or so and had had experienced his voice and then her mind opened (supposedly to God). In any case many people did believe that the Guru could talk to them from India to Canada. Or more like there was an imprint in the space that reflected his consciousness and that was paralleled by my own awareness tuned into the common space. That was presumed to be invested with attunement to the God space and was supposed by me to be empowered by it. So did I believe. I was very opened by my meditations and often could see (not clearly) into the other world or over space myself, and that is why I felt that no matter how angry Lucy was I shouldn't be to angry about it if I was picking up the vibes from her. I was sensitive. The following account is how I experienced the influenced the "nagual" in the spring of 1988. A guru is sometimes known as the master of the aakaash or space and astral domain knowledge is taken for granted. Many riddhi (powers of prosperity) and sidddhi (powers of mind) come to the yogi and are meant to be avoided not indulged in. So the assumptions I made about the following are made with that in mind, a belief that the Guru was God-realized man and had the great powers at his disposal even if he chose not to use them as for example Jesus did.

I did not know at the time that Swami Shyam had sent this spook gang. So the following is my naive account. I leave it in the original form.

Here in the spring of 1988, I had been suffering for a long time the ill will and bad faith of The Demon in a palpable form. There appeared a red spot the size of a dime over the center of my heart (their was a very angry woman among the spooks). Since I couldn't bring myself to realize what was actually transpiring I believed it was bad vibes from Canadians. Only after a few years did I locate ghosts in my room as the real cause. I felt the self-repression of the source had become oppression of my mind. She didn't want me to understand. Her persistence in mind-reading had accumulated in thousands of entries in to my mind, her hatred persisted. There was a terrible pain in me and I felt a constant existential agony. My Guru had said nothing this whole time and I did not know what to do. I thought about writing it all down and summarizing my experience but it seemed futile to do so at the same time.

Whenever the thought of The Demon came up waves of anxiety and pain would happen and it seemed to me to even think about it objectively was no longer an open possibility. I could no longer look back upon my recent past and reflect upon it in the quiet of meditation. My meditation was sorely affected. From time to time images of thoughts that formed in my minds eye seemed to be assailed by a mind not my own, but even so I did not know really what was happening. I felt certain that what was happening was real but how real I didn't know. I had sent my essay on religion to Shyam and he had sent back a note encouraging my writing, but despite any loud complaints about The Demon he had not mentioned anything about it. After I had written asking for permission to include him in my writing, I had received a note from Jayashree saying that Shyam's material was for use in Satsang only.

Two things I had fixed in my mind. The first was that there was present in my room the ghost or spook of a woman and the second was that I could hear the voice of the guru Swami Shyam. This went on for the years between 1990 spring time when Kimmie had left for Banff and the summer of 1994 when I realized that the voice (presence of Shyam) was actually a male spook who was the driving energy behind the angry woman.

[irene.confirms.spooks]

Hi,

I hope your OK now after your experiences. Yes, I think I can relate to what your saying about spooks. I sometimes feel like I was attacked by one. When I was in India while I was sleeping something was trying to get into my head through my ears, nothing physical, of course, but more like a scary entity that totally terrified me. I think I may have resisted it, because it left. . . . I may have told you about it at some time. But afterwards I became sick with a bad case of constipation, jaundice and painful seizing up of my thorax. I was unable to stand up straight for about a week When I was better I was told to leave Kullu.

(this account isn't wrong if you know who it is. It wasn't Lucy and she wasn't dead.)

I could literally see a sort of cable made of energy which came twisting out of the darkness and entered into my heart. A red mark the size of a dime had formed over the heart on the skin. It stayed there for about three months. The cable appeared to be substantial and sometimes appeared to be black. I would argue and reason with The Demon in my mind but to no avail. I had no idea how much she was really understanding and what things meant to her. Occasionally I would try to form an image of her ear in my mind and just speak into it in an loud voice. His use of psychic power or her gifts as she calls them had become very abusive. I felt that she followed me everywhere and never made any attempt not to be involved in my mind. When for example I had been going to the galleries to sell Coady's art work I had felt that she hated the idea of me progressing in this field and was listening to my every thought and conversation with the gallery owners. This I realize is a paranoid thought in some circumstances and yet it seemed to be real thought. Not only but whenever I thought about or looked at a woman she would start squeaking and I would hear 'terrible, that is terrible' and 'he looks at them'. There was constant interference in my day to day life. In my meditations I felt that I was only spending a tenth of my time on myself and the rest of the meditation energy went to easing the scars being created by The Demon. The worst of it was that my meditation which is the sole center and peace in my life at this time was negatively impacted. I could not restore my equilibrium at all and it took a long time to get to a point of relative freedom or happiness within for any given meditation. The Demon himself never seemed to reach any point other than shear hatred or anxiety and it seemed to me he never made any attempt to get free on her side from the issues and did not have any religious life to speak of.

I was regularly singing the Shiva Tandava stotram which is a prayer to Shiv for purification of the rotten creation and who is supposed to remove the ignorance of the mind. Shiv means bliss beyond the mind and great power of meditation and renunciation of the worldly problems.

The taps run red for three days at Easter time and then I met Sandesh. We discussed it for a while and he said that there must be something I could do and assured me that Shyam would not leave me in such circumstances if it were really that damaging. I went home and was looking at this situation with a view to remedy. At some point I felt that I was talking (in my mind) at The Demon at a distance trying to get some understanding and the vibe was getting intense. Suddenly I pointed my finger at her (even though I wasn't entirely conviced she was there or present to me - confusion? you bet) and said 'yes you, I mean you'. It stopped just for a moment. I tried pointing my finger at it again and it stopped again. Some change had happened and I felt my old self again free from any stress. I was outraged. She didn't have to go on like this, it was voluntary and willful and if she was presented with the presence or actuality of my person she would not go on. She was deliberate in her overpowering bad vibration. I have little vocabulary for this sort of thing. I think they call this the evil eye. Pointing my hand at the source of the vibration or ill-will had stopped the flow of enmity. Did I know what was happening actually though? Perhaps it was more the energy being redirected back at me.

I went out as I often did to get away from it and had ended up in the Crystal shop called Atlantis which is in the new mall, a reconstruction of the Sheraton, called something Mont-royal. There I found a quartz crystal and had read that it had certain qualities for purification of the aura and so on. I felt that I would try anything since I knew that chakra cleaning was a new age practice I determined to use it for these purposes in the struggle with The Demon. When I got home again I started using it and it seemed to be effective for a while. I was mentally suggesting that she must stop and had now begun to face directly into the woman with my will power. Perhaps it just gave me something to focus on. I tried to block the energy from her with my hand, or to avoid thinking about her, and so many things, but it just didn't stop.

I had a vision in which I saw that she had used these powers to go over the normal barriers of time and space which determine one's fate. But in doing so Karma had been changed that reflected from the Aakash into the relative world and that these Karmas had begun to fester somehow into the lives of others.

"At first she met Shyam which seemed to be in line with her fate and which had brought his into contact eventually with me. But then she began to assimilate these powers egotistically and avoiding conscious-ing the ethics of spiritual power, she had again begun using them to impress people or overcome her personal problems by dazzling them with her ability to see and so on. She began to egoize on the power of spirit instead of using that power holistically. Did she acquire her husband through this same power? I cannot justly say that is the only way that she managed to catch his man, but knowing what sort of thing I had been through it seemed to me that he did this sort of thing to shore up his sagging self image and the inadvertence of it became more deliberate. Finally when confronted existentially with the question of the prophet and the supposition of eventually nuclear war he choose to retain the power and refused to yield to destiny so to speak. I am not suggesting that her destiny was to marry me, but that he did not allow Shyam to manifest and was willing to risk even a nuclear war in order to stop me from upstaging his own story of the beloved. In others words if I became the One then he had married the wrong person according to his myth of romance. So he once again went over the barriers of separation in order to stop me from telling people what had happened. All this based on his ignorance of Self-realization and his heavy needs for relationship." My basic misunderstanding.

It was Swami Shyam himself that was this way. As far as Lucy was concerned she was following faithfully in her own path (according to Terry still a Bahai) and was not using powers for anything except to be aware (as would be required of her for the New Age or post modern world) and for the benefit of understanding her Lord (the Beloved).

She seemed to me to be a dangerous person in fact as Shree Chinmoy had outlined in his book Kundalini; the Mother Power. I saw the real danger of the psychic power when used in the service of the ego.

At this point the power was very terrible and certainly very painful. I was beginning to worry about being over powered completely or losing my mind. I had visions where I would see her in terms of a Hollywood movie set. The Sorceress at work in her macabre way. I knew she was pregnant and I found that Idea that he would fight like this while pregnant repulsive. She must be hurting the fetus I thought again and again. I was in a dilemma. I couldn't just accept this for fear of being overcome. I could not do nothing.

There was women present but they were maddened devotees of Shyam (renamed Krishna) and not from Canada but from India. Fundamentally I couldn't get the idea that anyone could bring a spook from India and use it to do things in the ethers (the sapce) of Canada.

I had visions where I saw a skeleton arising from her body and looking about. I felt that death was on her schedule but that had overpowered his destiny by clinging to me. I saw a green mask appear and then a red glow come through the eyes. Then the mask turned dark and the eyes turned green. I kept talking to myself and to Shyam in my minds eye and held my mind in abeyance. I was going through every kind of psychology I knew of to cope with it. Then the energy abated and I went to sleep only to wake in the morning feeling as if I was not alone and that in fact The Demon was looking into my chest. I was acutely uncomfortable. I started meditating and restored myself but immediately the struggle become intense. Now I looked into her eyes as it were and realized that we were locking mind to mind and will to will. I started to make tapes to record my story for posterity just in case anything happened to me. I sat in my dining room with the crystal and pointed it out the window toward the source of the energy (I thought). Again we locked eyes and mind. I left the house in an effort to free myself from the thought and took my crystal with me. In Girourd park I was stopping and crouched down to try to do some crystal work on it. Am I just crazy, I mused. It certainly looked crazy to me.

It was early Sunday morning and there only a couple of young women in the park. They seemed to feel that I was acting in a bizarre fashion. I left the park in order to get away from them and then as I was leaving I had a sudden opening. It felt like a lightening bolt of Praanic energy had hit me from above and that I was nearly lifted off my feet. The hair on my body stood on end —it was literally electrifying. In the subway I was pointing the crystal at her in an attempt to get free, to get some breathing room. It was difficult to do this without attracting the stares of passers by, and I felt completely ridiculous, and so it would weaken my psyche just at the time when I needed complete confidence in myself. I went up to the Oratory and went into the chapel and kneeled down in the pew with the crystal in my hand. I felt all her previous incarnations where spilling out in the feud and that some primitive archetypes were blowing over to me. I saw a goat God with black horns which I called Iblis without knowing what exactly that was. I imaging that her incarnation had actually started as semi-divine god man of some Egyptian cult and was trying to invent names for it so I could get handle on it. The sad face of Jesus was looking down at me from the front of the church. I knew what he meant.

When I got home I was sitting again in my dining room and the crystal pointing hopelessly out the window. Suddenly I confronted his spooks again eye to eye in the minds eye. There was a terrific tension and I saw the black sort of blots fly at me like giant wombats settling on my face.(Australian film- Crocodile Dundee). I felt that he would kamikaze right into me in order to get me. I felt that she might die and I would be saddled with it and have to spend the rest of my life trying to get her out. Suddenly it happened. She was inside and I saw a form moving about in the aura. He was a sort of jelly or rubber bag moving into the region of the heart. She would peer into the heart and then reach out with a hand that appeared to be like a tentacle and touch something in it and instantly there would be a pain. A black filament would stream into the heart from her being she had produced some kind of filament that poisoned the petals of the heart and shriveled them at he same time.

She would move up to my next inside my body and there would be a burning pressure at my throat. It flowed over the throat and came into my ears. He was trying to reach the top of my head and the seat of the will. I screamed I was so horrified and looking at Shyam picture on the wall I accused him. Why did you let this happen, I yelled. If she does it to me I am going to do it to you. I wept and ran from my home. Instantly regretting having talked to Shyam in this way and then again hating the very life within I seesawed for a while between utter and abject agony and hope that he could help me. I went and walked about all day long. I talked to myself in order to get my battered self back into some form of sanity. I would talk his while he was inside and found that if I asked the question 'who are you' she would release and float out of the body. I talked about death and dying and told her she had nothing to gain by it. She would float out of the body and would take the from of a jelly fish with black tentacles hanging down, totally impassive. He hung there in psychological space unable to answer the question who is it, who am I, what is the self.

She would hang there until I started thinking about it again and then she was inside and the torture began again. I realized that any thought about it would bring me back to the fear. The fear that he would go through every part of my mind and try to find some leverage in order to break me to her will. I called his Anna the avenging angel because although the effect was overall horrifying and grotesque she could only assail a point which was conventionally or customarily not quite on. Like swearing. If I were to swear it would empower her and he would add her black juices to my memory. I was being slimed something severe. I started meditating intensely and had cultivated a rigid and motionless state which was 'don't look, don't listen and don't think.' I felt her in my senses and behind my eyes in my ears and everywhere in my soul. I applied my will to rinsing it out of my system by meditation and concentration. I would sweat during these meditations and when my aching body would unravel I would lie down and think about Shyam. At a certain point he seemed to come into me and unravel things a bit and pull his stuff out. I was angry with him nevertheless and couldn't take his touch very much. I preferred talking to God.

I continued walking and had taken to talking very little about it to anyone. I would sit and meditate for hours. There was dream or vision of two men of the cross. They were talking about power. One was Jesus (as myself: that is to be meditating on the life of Jesus and become identified as one does with heroes in the movies) and the other was Anna (this means the elder brother in India and I mistook it for the name of a woman) now called Rubin or something. Rubin was cursing Jesus for teaching him about powers and was prodding Jesus to use his power to fly down from the cross. There was more to it and I cannot exactly remember. . . . I went to the ashram and took refuge there. I stayed in the room meditating and kept silence. At one point I smelled burning rubber and felt hell was coming to me. Then in a moment of purification I saw the east and the west were purifying. Many thoughts passed through my head, many thoughts.

Back outside the ashram, I stopped in a small park and saw a star appear in the Swadhistan Chakr (where the base of the spine and is a complex of desire). The color was copper and it felt good. I saw images of people and a few women and then it passed. I kept moving and was beginning to feel as if she might not really be inside me after all and perhaps was not dead like I thought. I wrote to Shyam and told him how I felt. Then I felt the presence of Alan Knight and began to wonder if he were not part of it. I pointed the crystal at him.

There appeared a dragon in the top chakra and I felt there were many semi-sorcery types around and in fact here was one on the south shore. I felt that Raksha, Sattee's ex boyfriend was also there but felt that it was better not to engage him directly. I made up rules for this sort of things and called it the Mu - ang war. Mu is the expression of no-thing used by Zen masters ang- means limb in Sanskrit thus Mu-ang. This is the completely chaotic side of human nature a manifestation of the shadow, the way of the fish.

It was a serious problem for me. I had to work hard to stay balanced and I knew that I would have to keep my psychology very strong. It was not easy sometimes to tell people about it, I had no one to really sympathize with me about it. I had to distinguish between my own subconscious mind and hallucination. Between actually psychic phenomenon and imaginary events. there were no hard facts at any time. The only constant was pain. That was real enough.

I tried to formulate some new rules for myself:

1. If any adept is not on your territory or involved mutually in your community then leave alone.
2. Mu-ang hooks: control waves psychically transmitted, directed into a specific chakra.
3. Mu-analysis: to discover these hooks and be able to release them through knowledge of the chakra space and psychology. To be able to place a hook yourself in order to release hooks in yourself.
4. Self control is best defense against control by others. Don't try to bind the offending adept but just try to release yourself.
5. The Self is stronger than the intellect and the intellect is stronger than the mind, the mind the director of the sense and body. Be egoless and be strongest in this sort of contest.
6. Meditate: no mind, no thought, no problem.
7. Self always wins: see a Sat guru if you can.
[I had a feeling that there was a third party]

I was talking to Coady about Lucy. Had he seen her. Yep. It was her!

I found out that Lucy was not to blame for this Muang number on me. She certainly wasn't the dead woman or spook who was chasing me around night and day. She wasn't behind it. I had believed that she had gone to the Bahais and had me cursed out or something. That accounting for all the energies. She had good reason to fear Shyam's anything, as I found out later. I am telling how I felt as the time even though I was very deceived it was still a very real conflict but not with whom I thought it was. This conflict waswith me when I had written an article and distributed it in the neighbor hood. The conflict was in Shyam's mind.

In some way I can accept some of the pain I had from the anger and put-down of The Demon

But there was some deserved hurts about me. . . . That was after Shyam had come to Canada and was not related to Lucy as I had led some people to believe and in fact on account of Shyam's never even knowing me about it had led me to believe in some very concrete expression that whoever was sorcering me was in fact The Demons from India (The Demon). Now if I say demons you should understand I mean the demented yogic types of India. The kundalini screamers and freakers and politically motivated depraved gurus, saddhus and fakeers. Masta but not holy and not transcended. I don't mean people with horns on their head, tails and and alligator type skin. I mean human beings. There are thousands of them in India.

In fact what he (SCS) did about both the Demon (men and women as it turns out) and any other woman was to blame me. He sold me down the river with a coat of many colors on it and left dangling by the yimmeez with the woman both torturing me about being spiritual and trying to sex me up as she were the family dog gone strange and trying hump my leg. weird heavy hostile to the community and trying to hurt every friend of mine and every part of my family...

There was still a constant tension and sometimes she would interrupt my thought even. She would just break into my consciousness and I could not get my attention away from her. Were I not an experienced meditator and knew my own mind very well I'm sure I would have gone mad. I had stop using a crystal.

I said, "There is something very wrong about it. We are in a psychic war. She is too heavy on me for what I am doing. She is pregnant and her vibe has been too heavy. The child will not turn out well. It will hurt the baby. We should go and see them and sort it out and try to get a peace. Surely we can work things out in this community."

Coady says, "Don't get excited. Whenever a man has had a relationship he lost to another guy he always thinks the baby is his own."

I throw up my hands. Its hopeless. Coady is a friend of her brother and he doesn't want to get involved.
I say, "It isn't that way at all."
He won't listen to my explanation. After a while a give up and go home. I'll have to handle it myself.
What can I do they only see it in terms of jilted lover.
She hits me with a wave of anger so heavy that my voice says to me that it is a death ray. She is too angry and the wave of anger so energetic that it was getting up to the level of doing serious damage to my system. I was so embarrassed.

Months later.

[One day it burned a hole in my aura]

I sent a letter to Swami and went to see a lawyer. Needless to say there a no laws about psychic war and nothing really I can do about the phone threat. He tells joke about such calls. The one where a man calls home and the servant answers.
"What's my wife doing?" he asks.
Servant: "She is in bed with someone Sir."
Husband: " I want you to shoot them or I will send you back to Mexico. Come back to the phone and tell me when it is done."
Servant goes and two shots are heard.
Servant on Phone: " I did what you said to do sir, now should I put them in the station wagon?"
Husband: "The station wagon. We don't have a station wagon. Isn't this 555-0980?"
My lawyer laughed at his own joke. I could only smile..

I feel that God has let me down totally. In a position where I can do nothing and nothing seems to be achieved. For what purpose am I pursuing all this?
That evening a voice comes to me.. "Do you need to see a miracle"

Is that my mind I wonder. I felt that I would like to see a miracle but that I wouldn't want anything too strange to happen. Miracle for me at that point meant happy, free and healthy. And in my mind I respond that I do but that please don't move the furniture or anything because I couldn't take it.

The next day I was in the new bookstore and there was a customer talking to the owner. He says, " I had this peculiar dream. I seeing someone sitting of the edge of a building or a cliff and he held a crystal in his hand. He seemed himself to be at the edge in a crisis. He held the crystal in his hand pointing it out the window which was in front of him."

The store owner and he talk about the possible meaning for it. Was his friend alright, the store owner asked. The customer had no idea what it meant. I laughed. I was amazed. It was my small miracle to enter the dreams of a stranger like this and at this moment where I have been invited to experience a miracle.

The miracle was great but still it didn't settle my problem. The great miracle for me was to get peace of mind and a healthy body.

Send another letter to Shyam May14/88
Meanwhile telegram came from Kullu..
"Three cheers for Nachiketa. You will not die."

Salmon Rushdie affair begins and I fell reticent to continue my program. For his satire, which was brilliant literature, they put a five million dollar reward for his death. He was deemed an apostate. In the Muslim tradition the law says such a man has no privileges. It is like being excommunicated in the medieval period. You can kill such a man freely.

I went to the park to draw and two girls about 7 and 9 respectively had come up and wanted to see the art. They loved the drawing and I had offered them some paper that they might draw also. One of the girls drew something in which I could see clearly that she could feel what was going on 'inside' me. A black cloud hovering in the sky and a doghouse with fido written on it. The sun was stuck in the corner of the picture. Two hearts were drawn in one near the black cloud and one near the doghouse.

Yes love, I felt like I was in the doghouse
I felt better after getting the telegram. my struggle continued. The dark spot became a permanent fixture. Day in and day out I would have to fend off that awesome power with my meditation. It was warping me no doubt. I sent another letter to Shyam appealing to him. "Is there no justice?" The struggle went on until mid summer.
This went on for several months. It wasn't so bad as it had been.

One day while I was in the pool swimming the black spot of antagonism which is The Demon moves over from the North into the west and she seems to be in better tune. Better feeling. I feel like going to the Ashram where there is going to be a private showing of the film Saddhana in video. As I came into the third floor I see Lucy sitting in the back nursing a child. I stopped in front of her and waited she said hello but then wouldn't look at me. I just stood there and waited for something more than this, for the conversation to be opened for dialogue to happen. Nothing of the sort was going to happen. I went and sat down and she then finished nursing and went and sat on the other side of her husband, whose name was Ron, as I found out later. I sat through the whole video and they only casually looked over at me as if she had said that is the guy. He didn't seem moved at all.. Ron, I thought, did not know Shyam. He seemed a very strong and solid individual. That is he did not seem to be very open. During this time, however, there was no negative vibration at all. I felt that I must be fooling myself and went out of the house. Was it because it was in the meditation room and Lucy was on 'best behavior'? If so then she was being very deliberate about it. If not then what? I felt bad and went down to visit the brothers. A voice came to me and said, "you will hurt yourself". Sure enough as soon as I smoke the vibe got worse.

Peter (Peyush a musician at the ashram) who knew Ron, husband of Lucy, a year later latter tells me that death threat is not Ron. But that only means that he personally did not put the threat on the phone. Peter doubted that his friend would do that. So she has married a friend of the family so to speak and I have been suffering all this time for no apparent reason.

I went amok. Complete existential despair. I heard that Shyam had said that there would no nukes in his lifetime.
I wanted a girlfriend more than ever and my emotions were feeling very strained. Despite the voice I feel that I couldn't give a damn.

Some months later I met Kimmie, who was living near the park. She was interested in the outdoors and had been taking Yoga classes for some time. She had traveled to India and liked art. We became friends and at Christmas time we became mates.
In the meantime the psychic ambiance had become better if not altogether clear.

I went to the Monchenin center and heard that Frater Raimondo Pannikar who specialized in dialectic and dialogue was the mentor of the organization. Monchenin is dedicated to interfaith and ecumenical concerns. Peace among faiths.
I read Monkey on a Stick which was the account of the Hare Krishna's. It seems that someone had been killed by them and there was many heavy drug users in his movement. He had meanwhile gone to Calcutta and died there. Things going on behind the scenes.
I bought my easel at this time and while I was buying and wondering if I should really spend my money this way and whether or not I should be and artist Pachelbels canon played on the radio in the shop. I took it as a good sign

Let me sail on the boat of millions of years. Let me go into eternity knowing that life does not stop with one body but continues and continues. We can see ourselves in the light of so long a time making efforts again and again so that what happens in the moment is less consequential and less stressful. I keep getting the mind back in the boat of millions of years.

I went to Kotels a Jewish bookstore where they sell the complete literature of the Jewish tradition and Hebrew primers and so on. They have fantastic titles in gold Hebrew letters all of which were a mystery to me. In one set in English which is Midrash or explanations of the text of the Pentateuch I looked up the story of Noah. It appears to be much the same yet the youngest son is supposed to have approached his father Noah in a homosexual way and this is the supposed reason for the curse. Although this explanation may seem somewhat better for the cursing of the youngest son and his children to servitude and slavery still the whole story seems to have been aberated psychologically. It is a poor excuse to the Jewish takeover of the land of Canaan. When I left Kotels I was musing on the idea of God making a covenant with Israel in the form of the rainbow. It seemed to me to be just a shtick. Shear mythical explanation of the origins of the rainbow. I was disappointed in the idea of God altogether. Let there be no God like the Vedantins says in his Nirbeej samadhi where there is no subject and object as separate and the personal God becomes the expression of the mind in the cycle of Samsara. Let there be no God in the sense that there is none in Buddhism except the Dharmakaya the vast sheet of being beyond being which expresses the love and compassion of the pure consciousness of the Buddha. The fantasy of the Monotheist was too galling for me and the archaism of Yahweh and Allah his revelation his prophets and his Bibles just a total waste of time.

I was grieving for the time I had spent on this and felt that the message I had for mankind if any would not be any different than had already been taught. Yoga was good enough and the freedom of it better than pursuing god in history. I was on my way home and when I emerged from the Snowdon metro there was the biggest rainbow I have ever experienced. I felt a little shocked as the clouds which produced appeared from a sky which had otherwise seemed to me up in Victoria to be quite light and not rain bearing kind. This rainbow was like that produced by seeding the clouds with rainmaker and then projecting the colors through a giant film projector.

What was I to think now? what was the message here. Wasn't this the same rainbow as the one in the Old Testament and wasn't the meaning the same? The promise of the rainbow is that the flood will never happen again. God does not bring nuclear was on mankind. God would not be behind a nuclear as the fundamentalist are thinking. They're ideas are all just insanity and so really is clinging to the book of revelation as if it the historical period in which the supposed return of the cosmic Christ through the clouds and apocalyptic punishments of those who offend Christianity, were not already finished. Jesus had predicited armageddon would come during the llifetimes of his disciples. That attitude of apocalypse subsequently is not scriptural, is not true to Jesus. Even though I saw this rainbow I still was in a terrible state. I could hardly recall the things that had happened to me and this rainbow was still just a marginal coincidence to me. The one thing that was obvious to me was that when I went into my past a began to remember Lucy and this felt bad to me. Without being conscious of it I closed it out. Nevertheless I resolved just to settle down and live a good life.

[On Monotheism and Law]

Baker and Swaggart get into trouble at this time. Swaggart who had excoriated the Tibetan Buddhists was caught in the act of adultery with a call girl and lost his ministry. Baker had his hand in the cookie jar. Baker went to jail for 40 years.

The Amadhiyans sent me a notice for a Messaih conference. I didn't make the conference but called up the HQ and got some tapes to it. Hindus, Buddhist, Christians, Jews and Amadhiyans were represented but not the Moslems and not the Bahais. After this I went down to the South shore and met the head of the Montreal chapter. He was a very pleasant man and offered me food. He showed me the works of Mirza Gullab Amad and they were extensive. He lived at the same time as Baha Ullah and made much the same claims but did not claim to be founding a new religion. That was done for him after his death by a schismatic group.

They do claim that he was the Mahdi or the returning Christ. This means that they have more reverence for Mohamed, than Jesus. I felt that the existence of the Amadhiyans was contradistinctive to the Bahai and were just as numerous. On the way down to visit the Amadhiyans I had heard my Canon No. 4 in the Metro station. I felt encouraged.

At the same time I felt that I had come to the end of my search for the meaning of Messiah and had finished with monotheism in the preliminary stages of inquiry. Now there were many claimants. Abdul Baha and Gulab Ahmad were said to be the returning Messiah. What were the criterion for the selection though.

We were debunking Messiahs of all kinds with this. How could there be so many of them..what was the meaning of revelation if this was the case?

[The idea of Messiah]

June 24/88: I met Kimmie in the summer when she came into ALVH a very beautiful and healthy woman with a natural complexion. She had the book "Drawing the Natural Way" in her hand and was reading it. We began discussing art.

Jenny G. Took me to see 'Reduced Shakespeare' and it was a lot of fun. she was most loving sister to me, she has true compis mentus competence. She is Irish stock they say and very deep, like a Celtic woman, Gwenhooeevarrr, the queen consort of King Arthur.
In Newfoundland, the Christians now made the news for child molesting.

I was looking forward to seeing Shyam when he came. Toward Christmas Gorbachev now called Gorbie by the fawning press came to a conference at the UN saying that he had a gift for the West. To put and end to the cold war.
I was elated.

In 1969, and 1970 I tried to start the 1% voluntary donation of wages at Alcan for ecological purposes. I've had a big interest in seeing the world free from pollutants. When, in 1986, I met Richard Neftin who was an ecologist, my interest was revived. He had shown me in detail how the chain of economics led to the torturing of the planet. He showed me that even in my life there was much improvement to be found. My computer used paper. Computer manufacturers used CFC's to clean boards, my art work involved the use of heavy metals, and so on. It wasn't good enough to use Biodegradable detergents, I had to do more. I started studying the matter. I cleaned up my house, did everything I could. Harriet Fells who had been meditating at Shyam space had gotten involved with the Green party and had become a candidate. She left very discouraged. There was an attitude in Shyam Space openly ridiculed the environmentalists. This was despite the rhetoric about being life supporting.

Before Shyam came Nootan who had been with me when I first went to meet Shyam came from India. She brought me a gift which Prem had sent for me. It was a brass chalice. Just the sort of thing used both to hold the water used to celebrate the tarpana or water offering to the God - say Vishnu or Laksmee or even Sita but it reminded me a Grail cup. I meditated on the grail and Repance de Shoye. But to that, Kimmie was the Lady of the Lake. Savitri, was the name of the female God that I loved.

A voice once came out of the Spiritual world, a mantra, Anaanda Akayam. The body of bliss it says that is the dimension of Savitri which I live the most.

Kimmie had gone one week to a national park to do a five day excursion in a canoe. She loved the outdoors and in fact had level three white water certification. She had been a tour guide on the Rouge River for a season. She was the "& white water cascade." The woman I was looking for and had mentioned in my letter long ago.

I had a vision that Kimmie's mother was scorning me. She is called Sophia and I reflected back on the cosmic Sophia with whom this whole drama started. She pointed her finger and mocked. I felt bad about after a long time she came to appreciate me though. She conceded that I had helped Kimmie and asked me to come around even after Kimmie had gone out West.

I had a dream that I was standing in a meadow. I was standing near a small hedge and they (the Shyams) were on the other side. A table had been set up at a distance and a number of people were sitting down to eat. Shyam was in the middle. I was hailed from among those who were with him. "Hey Natch," someone called out, "what are the world's three greatest tragedies?" There was a jovial mood. Promptly I responded, "Hamlet, King Lear (or was it Othello), and death of a Salesman." They applauded me. I felt a little sad.

Kimmie is a perfect woman for me in a womanly way. We would go to the ashram together and she took a very strong interest in Shyam. I guess that was that for me and relationship. I will probably go back to Brahmacharya.

I still keep hearing Canon #4 and especially I noticed it in conjunction with the decision to write this book.

Kimmie has been so good to me. Homage to her as a helping supportive woman. She is loving, she is courageous and adventurous, self sufficient. she recognizes where I am in pain and tries to free me. She does this with great tact. She would strike a blow for me. She finds things that I might like and she just gives. She pays for herself. She brings food. She knows how to make me feel good and always tries to remember me. She calls. She is concerned. She calls me her guiding light and is proud of me. She loves the idea of being touched on the third eye - the forehead - and being opened into the spirit. She contributes to my India fund and asks if I have meditated. she has been helpful and energetic and healthy, she appears to be interested in my work and she does interesting work herself. She likes the way I treat her friends. She is a good friend and sincere. I thought I might marry her but she is not interested because she wants to be free. But she would be a great candidate. Three cheers for her. Best supporting Actress in Grand Krishn leela. She works hard for love and deserves the best.

One day Kimmie and I went out and we had a great understanding about Guru and his way and their ways At the end of the meal there bill was laid on the table and she picked it up.

It was $6.66 with tax.

I swear she was so good that I was delivered from the devil, so to speak, just by her love

"I'll take this," she said. I felt that perhaps Kimmie would be unique in my life and help me restore a part of myself that had shattered. I had been telling her about myself and my recent history in a piecemeal fashion and she had accepted me. She accepted all my talk about Self realization and I was feeling pretty good with her. She not only understood but was able to enter into it and was seeing even when I was in contradiction. She began to enjoy and use these ideas. My worries about her were unfounded. One day we were downtown and there were two buskers playing Canon #4 as we walked by. Kimmie didn't want to stop to listen. I felt that perhaps she would not accept the import of my synchronistic universe. It was the second time we had passed by this tune, after I had told her about how it was always coming up for me. so when I eventually put together the outline of my tale and told it too her I was quite relieved and grateful that she accepted it.

Jean Martin invited me to the vernisage of the Artaluminum show. I went with him but I got the feeling that this sort of life was really not for me. It was a Vairagya for me. It was a big show and several big names from the art world had showed up. Famous names and pretty faces. They had installed Groetz' Archivia in Salvation Army Garden, the symbol of the marriage of East and West. Archivia with its strange appendage of machinery on the top of the figures head. A book is stuck on the forehead and an eye and some teeth are interchanged. In the heart here is a gargoyle and in the back a lever to start and stop it. Beside the figure is a silver egg.

THE BERLIN WALL CAME DOWN. IT IS EARTH DAY 1990 ALL IS WELL THAT ENDS WELL. EVERY MAJOR MAGAZINE INCLUDING TIME, NEWSWEEK, AND SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN, HAD A BIG ISSUE ON ECOLOGY. THREE OUT OF FOUR NORTH AMERICANS WERE CONCERNED ABOUT IT MANY WERE PREPARED TO ACT. THE USSR MOVED TOWARD DEMOCRACY AND 22 NATIONS SIGNED AN ACCORD TO END THE COLD WAR.

Now my struggle for the world was over I could go back to work on Self realization knowing that was the best thing I could do, and knowing that I had done whatever I could for my world.

The store Vision Deux is renamed to Turquoise. Archivia was removed from the Salvation Army Garden. Four pillars stand on five footings. The pillars point to the empty sky, the blue sky.God.

The New Paradigm bookstore opened across from the Cafe.

One day I was sitting outside the Cafe when an old van went by. On the front plate was written BRAHMA. The God of creation. Or the God head. Then coming the other direction came CHOM on a four tract, blue. The four track went down Brooke and turned up Prince Albert. Well that's the message, in a nutshell.

1989: Swami Shyam visit to Canada.

In the summer of 1989 I still was very unaware of the evil of Shyam. I was blaming Lucy still for the night mare that had happened. Finally Shyam came to Canada and as he got into Vancouver I started to be uplifted. I had hope I started working with him direct through the space. I still believe that he was a holy man. I was disengaging from Lucy at this time and felt that she was hating the idea of me connecting to Shyam. Twice I felt third eye horror on me and there was big interference in my attempt to join with him in spirit. When he got to Ottawa I went up to join him.

He had just come from General Radley-Walters place in Pedawawa were the whole group had gone after Toronto. He has three sons two of whom are involved with Swami Shyam. Gary or Giridhar and Greg or Gagan. There they stayed for a day and the general who had a second world war tank sitting on the front lawn had given Shyam the tank and it said to dedicated to the peace movement of Shanti Sneh Abhiyan.

In Ottawa I was most interested in asking about the conflict. It was incredible that I never got a chance. I was made to feel guilty about it. It was to be my problem. So when I was sitting in the Chateau Laurier and Shyam had arrived we nodded and he sat to make a short speech. After he wanted to hear questions from audience. I went up to the front and sat and asked, by way of opening the conversation discretely if one person says the other is in hell and he replies you are the real hell, who is it that is really in hell?

"The man who knows the oneness knows no hell and is happy even if he is in hell."

Meaning of course that even if Bahai's think they are going to heaven then they can't put you in Hell if you are already enlightened. Same with any Hell of religion. That did not lead to any further answers.

We traveled for five days from Ottawa through the Laurentians and down into Vermont and Back to Montreal. We camped overnight in a tents and ate picnics outdoors. The weather was great and it was good to see everyone. I had been feeling very alienated. He mentioned a few things to me on the way through and I realized that I had got quite separated from him. As he left I said I was great to have an opportunity to see him. He replied, "Yes wonderful a chance for unity." others came and I did not get a chance to finish the thought. A chance for unity! Surely I was already united to him. Not so.

A chance for unity really means that in doing isn't that what the Bahais's were saying ,where was the unity with Shyam and his disciples, he was missing the point I was very disappointed in him.

One day at the Berlin's on Lac Archambault I realized that I realized that I wasn't with Shyam anymore. There was something that was in the air that wasn't right. I saw him with Jake in a very gregarious scene. He had suddenly got Jake to give him a piggy back and then had dismounted. they had wondered over to a birch tree and Jake had torn a one foot piece of the bark off. Shyam had curled it and made a crown out of it, putting over his head and displaying it to the few observer's nearby. I was bugged by this because anybody who knows nature in Canada knows that tearing the birch tree's bark will kill or maim the tree. The tree is a symbol of eternal life. So he looks around and passes it over to Jake and the saunters by and looks condescendingly at me as if I am wronging anybody I knew if I have any thoughts that he is wronging anything. Obnoxious beneath it all. But supercilious. Shyam is bugging me and I am still trying to be a believer. The symbolism began to grow on me. There was a scene at the Berlin's where he had been taking to Leslie the wife of Michael. They are both psychiatrists. He was taking from an elevated seat and they were discussing woman. She was being brow beaten and he was espousing a patriarchic chauvinism which he passed off as the tradition of India. It was obnoxious.

There was another scene in Montreal later on in which he had been at the University of Montreal and giving a speech. He had been saying to Barbara Mulroney that the conditioned mind must be overcome. Just then he had a tea cup, half full, and had thrown it to the floor. It shattered and I thought the shards might have gone into somebody's eyes. He thought that was demonstrating the freedom to be anything in the society. To leave customary things. It was a wrong though because dangerous. Senator Michael Pitfield was in the audience, and acquaintance of Richard Taylor, one of Shyam's close associates.

Only a few months later a man at the university killed many woman.

Sitting behind Montclair after returning from Vermont, Essence where Gopal and Radha had hosted a meet with Swami Shyam. He had spoken at the local town hall. Dikpal had introduced as the winner of such and such and the Yoga Shromani award, and had done a good job. Swami Shyam had recommended 5 minutes of meditation per day. That sounded trite.

I was with Devindra who had been quite friendly to me the whole time I was involved with Shyam he was a charming and affable fellow when he was young.

He looked hurt and unhealthy though and his consciousness was dark somehow and not as bright as when he was younger and I knew him (1976), he was heavier both in the body and the mind and seemed somewhat obsidian. Dark thought. He was talking about this and that and had mentioned that Dikpal was believing that he was very important with the "fluffies". There was it seems a competition between him and Dikpal about the woman whom Devindra continued to call "fluffies." I thought for some time and he finished his task and got up and dismissed himself.

"See you I said."

FLUFFIES. Devindra had not changed much in Shyam Space. I realized that there was something behind that. He was not the only one that was angry and was not growing either. The same games people play as before were going on but only had new objects and new stakes. I remember that Madhu too had seemed very angry, and had not even the time of day for me.

Shyam goes back to India

I realized later that I had been counting on Shyam Space for feelings of self esteem and there was implicit organized thought structure in Shyam Space that dictated the rights privileges and so on of the membership. I was not a part of that group. It as based on obedience and allegiance that never was surfaced. There was in fact a wrong understanding involved. An unconscious surrender of the kind that is appropriate to cult groups that lose integrity.

The point is still self realization and involvement with the issues concepts ideals and other things were keeping me from really looking at my own mind. I was disappointed that he did not mention my struggle with what I thought was Lucy and seemed to leave me hanging. At a certain point he had taken out the Gita (which someone had asked to be signed) and had read from the introduction about how Krishna (Shyam) did not get involved in the struggle directly and had just been Arjuna's advisor. He advises Arjun to know that it is the conscious underlying every reality which is the beginning and end of every war, and that Arjun is in reality Krishn or the Pure consciousness of the godhead himself.

There was still many things to be worked out with Shyam as I found out. Not only this but I still had to finish the work I was doing and I was going to do it by myself. I felt very upset that Shyam should not give any direct advice about how to deal with it. why wouldn't he help. so I first thoughts just drop the problem and it won't come back. It didn't. She had moved to California with her husband.
 

The Gazette (Montreal)-- Final

Entertainment: Show Saturday September 24, 1994

CHOM turns 25; Ghosts, longhairs gone, no more swamis

MIKE BOONE GAZETTE
 
 

When the FM rock station takes over the Spectrum on Thursday, Oct. 27, drinks will be consumed, backs will be slapped, former lovers will be either steered clear of or frantically chatted up and old war stories will be told over the din of Kim Mitchell and Slaves on Dope.

The CHOM old-timers will talk about Geoff Stirling and Swami Shyam. They'll talk about the CHOM Ghost, and the exorcism that cleansed the station of the malevolent spirit alleged to have cracked mirrors and spooked deejays.

Pringle was a Sir George Williams university student who had an exotic CV (son of a British diplomat, he was born in Calcutta and christened in the Ganges) and a passion for progressive music.

Stirling was a flamboyant eccentric: former alligator-hunter, politically savvy anti-Confederation crusader in his native Newfoundland, goal-hoarding media tycoon. Stirling was open to new ideas - like turning a 6-year-old FM Muzak station over to Pringle and his merry band of flower children.

JoAnne Rudy remembers the invasion. The den mother of 1310 Greene Ave., Rudy, who is in her early 50s, has worked off-air for the AM and FM stations since 1966; she knows not only where all the bodies are buried but also the probable causes of death.

"Instead of seeing all these freaky-looking people on the street, we saw them in our offices," Rudy chuckles, remembering the first wave of Pringle People bringing 1960s counter-culture to the previously straight(ish) world of commercial radio.

"And the RCMP had offices in this building," Rudy says. "I lived in daily fear of what the Mounties would find if they got off the elevator on the wrong floor.

"We had people living at the radio station. Draft dodgers - waves of them came through. This was a commune.

"We had plenty of babies conceived at the station - plenty," Rudy adds. You didn't know what you'd find when you opened an office door."

"This was my introduction to the boss," Feist remembers. "He was coming up the stairs with a large group of people, carrying big jugs of water and baskets of bread."

The entourage included Swami Shyam, an Indian mystic, and a video camera crew that recorded the scene as Stirling, armed with a Magic Marker, began to write cryptic graffiti all over the walls of his own radio station.

"Then they all came to sit in the tiny studio," Feist says. "Geoff said: 'This is the Swami Shyam. I want you to interview him on the air.' "

Feist had studied comparative religion at CEGEP. He was able to toss the swami a few general questions about spirituality. Stirling sat on the floor, holding the swami's big toe - a sign of respect, it was explained, for the holy man.

"Then Geoff said we should take calls from listeners," Feist says. "We had no delay lines, so my fingers were crossed. And we actually got some calls asking the swami serious questions."

While the swami spoke, Feist picked up a call that was waiting.

"The guy said, 'Would you get that f--ing towel head off the air!, This, thank God, was not going out live."

The interview lasted for six hours - interrupted occasionally by a Moody Blues album that Stirling insisted be played uninterrupted in its entirety -before the owner, the swami and the acolytes finally decamped, leaving the disc jockey to stagger out of the studio at dawn contemplating the wonderful -world of rock radio.

Feist missed out on the great CHOM exorcism. In 1978, six years after Stirling had moved his FM station across the street to its own three-floor headquarters at 1355 Greene Ave., Rudy—by then a convert to the CHOM way of looking at the world—hired a psychic and organized a seance to rid the place of a ghost said to inhabit the building since the suicide of a former resident.

There's no para-normal communication at CHOM these days —although some critics charge that the "Classic Rock" playlist channels too much music from rock'n'roll heaven—to the exclusion of what's happening on earth.
 
 

THE FACTS ON HINDUISM
John Ankerrberg & John Weldon
Harvest House Publishers
Eugene, Oregon 97402

One of the authors of this book, Dr. Weldon, is a former practitioner of Eastern meditation and coauthor of a critique of one of the most popular forms of Hindu meditation in America, Transcendental Meditation. Dr. Weldon's Ph.D. was received in the field of comparative religion, with an emphasis on Eastern? religion. His dissertation involved a 2500-page analysis of over 20 of the leading Hindu, Buddhist, and Sufi gurus operating in America.

Part of the disciples' required obedience to the guru is to follow the guru's sadhana or spiritual path. By definition this places a person on the path of occultism. In fact, psychic powers and spiritism are to be expected. For example, spirit contact frequently occurs with what are believed to be various Hindu deities, "nature" spirits, or the guru himself after death (or even while alive via his alleged "spiritual form"). Muktananda tells us his students encounter various Hindu gods and other spirits as well as the dead.

Sri Chinmoy

If you remain calm and quiet, and allow your spiritual Guide to enter into you, you will become flooded with Peace. This kind of turning in is not only a valid and correct practice, but is essential for one who has placed himself under the guidance of a spiritual Master.

One disciple asked, "During meditation I have the feeling that there is a stranger inside me looking out. It is not me looking out through my eyes, but someone else. Is that usual?" [Chinmoy answers with], "It is quite usual. It is nothing abnormal .... It is very healthy good experience, very inspiring."

Sri Chinmoy Many, many black magicians and people who deal with spirits have been strangled or killed. I know because I have been near quite a few of these cases. (cf. note ).

1 know of a case in India where the hostile forces used to take the form of a particular Master and ask the disciples to commit suicide. "If you commit suicide, I will be able to give you liberation sooner" it would say. They tried to commit suicide, even though the Master told them outwardly that he had never said that. These hostile forces are very clever.

The illisolution describes a state where it is below insect world and contains the torn to shreds souls of the "worst" of mankind. When I read it I thought it out of line because it was a concept of Hell impose in the natural order. Human hells do not generally get listed in the same category as the consciousness of the natural phyla from insects up to animals and then humans and in religion ending with the gods and the divine.

[mu-ang warfare]

The vibes were getting very bad and this scene the MU-ang war reflects these vibrations as seen through the inner eye.

For three days before Easter and ending on Good Friday there was some sort of rust running through my taps. The water that came out looked like blood. I had to use spring water for drinking and cooking.

I was sitting on the campus lawn one day thinking and talking to Shyam in my head. I was still struggling to free myself. Suddenly I saw a white parakete with a flash of blue on its tail. It was wandering about with a large flock of sparrows. How often do you see something like this. A white parakeet no doubt lost by its owner flying about with the sparrows.

At one point, while in a prolonged session of meditation, I saw Shyam in India. I could see other people around him but just dimly. They all seemed like beings of light. Shyam himself seemed to be a fluid crystal in a ball which I saw through a golden haze. It was an incredibly beautiful thing to see, but was a deception of my faithful mind. Inside was his satanic thought. To rule the world. Later I was to see the gold in my own soul get destroyed by a conflict in which Shyam had never supported one damn thing about Vedanta or meditation, or even the word, OM.

Letter from Shyam

Dearest Nachiketa
You are famous for your Knowledge and your Nachiketa fire. Everything will work fine if you remain alive.
You are genius of first rank & I am sure, if you get into getting your book published your thought will manifest it.
Love, Shyam
P. S. Take easy. There are 160 persons already here, So people have no contact with me.

This was 1992. I had learned that despite the fact that Manoj had been busted in South America he had gone back to Kullu. The book that he mentions had been sent to India already and did not include that latter realizations about shyam. I thought it very topical and had expressed my concern about religious violence that might possibly arise from criticism. But in saying, "everything will work fine if you remain alive," he was highlighting the issue of violence without sympathy or understanding. About this time I began to realize what the spooks were all about. "Three cheers for Nachiketa" SCS had said in his telegram. Cheera (Hindi) means "to tear" or "tear up". I was being torn up, and SCS was not even willing to offer any sympathy, explanation, or teachings about it but let it be known that I was caught up and had to be catered to until I was finished with such things and returned to "the space." Meanwhile he really wanted a book that he could use to refute Christianity and the Western world. He wanted me to go to print blaming it on the Western world -- even if I might die for it. Though the telegram and the letter, and of course through the rest of the Satsang, who remained in Canada and who would know what he said, because they always ask, he had just sent a message to his spooks to execute me if I ever left shyam space.

Later when the demon attacked in leaving Montreal in 1995 there arose a consistent pattern around the word guru. Gooh rooh meaning shit face more or less and the proper pronunciation was guroo. Ss called us his goo roo(z). Gooroo is at your back being his cover up. The word implies buttocks or course and the hindi word for that is chutarda. Or chew turds as it sounds like. The tufts of hair are then goochedhar and this installs my name over the love of the family as rom(pubic hair in Hindi), or lom or baal on the chati chest or tomb or roof. The pattern was to install sex, Indian woman (because in the heat the woman don't wear clothing especially his daughters and only use a very light silk to keep insects out of the crotch. One wonders how the transfers of sexual imagery occurs from Swami Shyam's daughters to his students. (see Gibbie's remarks that SS had offered Rekha his daughter in marriage to him—no mention of SS giving a dowrie, but probably planning on using Gibbie's money for it). "Roman Catholics wander around your crotch hurt your crotch don't they?" A shrotiya abuse by the demon guru.

I knew nothing about this at this time and only found out ten years later when Swami Shyam's akaashik army of spooks tried to take control of me upon discovering their presence in the ethers, or rather, the space of Montreal.

As I writer I believe I should have let the readers continue as I did believe that it was Lucy based attack on my psyche. That would build the tensions wonderfully, or perhaps, the readers would give it up as a distasteful backbite about failing to attract the woman and get married like I hoped. Rather than risk losing the readers about the main issue here, I have chosen to expose this "thing" before you quit caring what happens to me. I hope that you will read on.